Summer vacation.
The words themselves cause me to stop and remember that rest is coming and part of the plan. This spring was so tough. So tough because everything just felt hard for a while after the funerals in March and that is ok. That is was ok that I was worn out. That it was ok that I was tired and needed to cry. That it was ok that I didn't want to fight anymore. That it was ok that I was human.
Because it helped me see others through that lens a little more. It helped me give grace when my student told me she didn't get her homework done because she was moving her grandma into a nursing home over the weekend. I got it a little more than I did before.
And today when my students sent me their resumes' at the last minute I had a little more grace for them than I used to. I think I needed that this year. I think I needed to remember that we are people and not machines. I think I needed to put up the basketball hoop in my classroom and shoot a few more buckets. I think I needed to just laugh when Ry lost her shoe. I think I needed to stop being so intense and start being more human.
Human. The word in itself feels so weak to me. But isn't there some crazy awesome promise that when we are weak He is strong in our weakness? How does that even work? What does that even mean? I think to me I am finding that proving how strong I am isn't the goal. Proving that I can do it on my own isn't what it is about. That is empty. That is selfish.
Watching the horse and the trainer at cowboy church this weekend just reinforced what I already knew. We are made for relationship. We are made for relationships. For sure. God knew. So glad.
We are made to be human and that is more than ok. It is is actually in God's image. It is actually so that we can get on our knees and rest in the One who isn't human.
And know there is always victory right around the corner. There has been so much victory in the last few months as I reflect. Victory with going to see my grandparents. Victory with hiring a new math teacher to work with. Victory with Aidan going onto middle school. Victory with getting a check from the car dealership.Victory with laying with Micah as he cried that he was leaving 3rd grade and was scared and that was ok. Victory with going camping in the rain and hail and loving it. Victory with getting a new camper. Victory with my heart. Victory in what matters. Victory in ending well. That is what God continues to put on my heart as I grow in "Selah" this year. The truth is I'm sucking it up at "Selah". The truth is I'm more human than I ever knew. The truth is God is bigger than my humanness and has wanted to be all along.
Breathe Rach Breathe. That is where all the life is found.
