That’s a sermon

 This last week when we were in the sequoia national forest I started joking “that’s a sermon” every time there was a deep connection in nature to something in our spiritual lives. Like how the trees have to burn to create new life. 

Or how conditions have to be right for the trees to survive…the altitude, the temperature, and climate. 

Or how we all are stronger together. 

The list goes on and on. 

And I thought:

A. What if I started capturing this more?

B. What if I started sharing it more? And instead of consuming so much I created more? 

And so today I thought about how I was trying to not change gears when biking so I got a better workout. And then I realized that’s what we do in life…we shift every time we can so it’s easier as we go uphills. And I thought maybe God wants us to grind sometimes to build some strength. Maybe it’s an opportunity to get stronger rather than gear into easier. Maybe we miss out when we seek to avoid pain. Pain grows us. Pain gives us compassion towards others. Avoiding pain might not be the goal I thought it was. Maybe the goal is to allow others to bike along side us and we change gears so we are together going up the hills. Maybe we shift differently when we aren’t at it alone 

Just some thoughts. Or sermons if you might. 

Now to sleep and add some scripture that aligns with my crazy sermons. 

VMAC thoughts

 Swim lessons from swimming in a meet 

Things I forgot how they feel 

• Wondering when to warm up and how much to 
• What to eat and how much 
• How to respond to your results after your race 
• How to encourage and what to say to others 
• The amount of social battery it takes to be on a team and talking to people at a meet 
• The post swim crash after not swimming for a few hours and how you have to hype yourself up multiple times 

Things that I never felt before 

• The angst of putting on tech suit and how and when to pee (and what do girls do when they have their period?) 
• Figuring out my identity and what I swim and what I should or shouldn’t expect from myself 

Day 2 

• How to shake off a bad nights sleep and know that won’t determine the outcome, how I handle it will 
• Why when you ask people how their race was the first thing they say is what went wrong? (Myself included!)
• The 50 free and how it’s all the things. Easy because it’s short. Hard because it’s so precise. 
• Attitudes are contiguous on the team, feed off the team when you need it, build up when you have the energy. 
• The end of day 2 is legit feeling of relief 

Feedback and post swim thoughts: 

• My role as a teammate can be to see what you dos well 
• I have some feedback when do you want it?  
• Or…sandwich it: What do you think you did well?…Now what can you improve on…
• Also, we are in a sport that thrives on improvement. We are going to gravitate towards that. How can we be both honest but efficient? 

Random 

• How people greet you matters. How you greet others matters. This gives a sense of belonging. (There was nothing like walking in and being welcomed and people excited I was there. And people that give me credit for what I have helped them with.) 
• Staying to eat together after competition matters 
• Honoring people in award ceremonies matters

My hope from swimming this last weekend was to be a better coach when I remembered what it’s like to be the one in the pool. 

The pool that I wanted to swim in from the time I first saw it and Micah swam in it oh so many years ago. I cheered at that pool for many hours and I realized this weekend that where you swim doesn’t matter, who you are with and what it means to be a team…that’s the good stuff. Funny how we get so much more than we give when we are open. I just wanted to grow. And I knew I had to do something more than what I had. What I got in return was a whole lot more. 

What else do I need to do this in my life for? 

A quiet mind

 Ish…

I still check my email too much. I still respond to text messages too instantly. I still pick up my phone and don’t know why. 

But. 

But it’s shifting. I can see the shift in my mind and it’s quieter. I listen more and I go deeper in what I’m reading or watching. Tonight I watched a movie on a Thursday night just because. 

And I found the song titled quiet mind and it’s become my mantra…

And so these words have helped me …ish. 

What I’m finding is we are all trying to be more present. Be more creative. Be more productive but yet do more yoga at the same time. Be more multitasking but then actually do one thing at a time. We are all chasing too much and live in fear of something getting forgotten or unfinished. But we live in a life where we can keep track of things more than  ever. Maybe our goals need to shift. Maybe we don’t need more of anything. Maybe we just need to just take the invitation that’s already there. A quiet mind…(ish) 

(Lyrics by Shadowlands) 

It’s an invitation tonight, give me a quiet mind

I′ve been slipping through the sands of time

Fear creeping up from behind

In all of the tragic in this static

Stillness is hard to find

I′ve been trying to catch my breath

I've been living myself to death

Chasing anything and everything

Until there′s nothing left

Arms around me through the night

Shield and shelter in the fight

You've been all around calling out right there

Giving me songs of consolation

Making this work in the hurt, so steady and strong

It′s an invitation tonight, give me a quiet mind

Tonight, give me a quiet mind, tonight

Space

 Airplane rides 

Are the best for reflecting. And for listening to the best playlists. And for movies. 

But most importantly they give space. Ironic I know because I’m confined to this tiny seat and packed all my stuff for my trip into a backpack so I don’t have to pay extra. But the space when you travel with less and leave it all behind creates is such a gift. 

It reminds me the world is so much more than the tiny city I live in. Not because its population is 7,000…that’s my hometown. The tiny city I live in now has thousands and millions of you count Denver and not just the suburbs. 

But it’s tiny because it’s limited. It’s filled with that which is confined to Robb Way and Newton and CCU and Target and South Valley and LHS swimming and Marino’s and King Soopers. Things that when I’m in the middle of them I think are either so important or so big and urgent. 

And then you go up in the sky and watch Pinocchio and listen to songs that touch your heart and remind you to face your fears. And then I realize my fears take up way too much space. But the worst part is they pretend that they don’t. They don’t fit at all when you are confined to a “backpack for your travels”. And they take up unnecessary space when you need to leave space for those fun souvenirs you find on vacation…like my Mike Wiziski hoodie which I need a ton of space for. And if I overpacked I couldn’t get anything new. 

And this isn’t about packing or stuff…it’s an analogy about letting go. It’s what I said to my brother this week…we don’t ignore the hurts and tragedies in our life, but we can’t stay stuck either. 

And I think I’m going to take it one step farther and say you need to take some stuff out to make space for that which you don’t even know yet you want or need…like Indiana Jones hats, or vinyl records, or Mike Wyzoki hoodies…and if you don’t have any space you have to keep saying no to that which should be a yes. 

So I’m going to clear some space in my life right now…and I might just make room for some new surprises and things I pick up along the way. 

Connection

 We hear it all around us. A buzz word really. 

But I’m so digging into what it means. And with having no social media connection I’m feeling the reality of what that so called connection did for me and I’m looking for more depth instead. But there was a connection there whether we want to admit it or not…it was a way to find those that sent us reels. And give Instagram a guess on if my algorithm was going to be more hip exercises or cats driving or making fun of my lack of attention or…the list goes on. But it also feels good. It gives me a connection to a world of silly, and entertaining and others in that world. 

And what I’m finding is there is totally a difference between connection and what your phone can help you waste time on or even invest time on…but it’s still doing SOMETHING. Anything almost. Tonight I started doing brain exercises for FUN?! 

What else am I doing instead? Reading, going on walks, listening to deep long podcasts, taking more baths, yoga, going for runs, spacing out, overthinking a lot of decisions, putting up shamrocks around the house, blogging…

But connection. That’s different…

The hugs I got at the swim meet tonight. The envelopes I sent for St. Patrick’s day. Playing Mario Kart with Micah, talking to Denise on the phone, eating dinner on the patio last night at the 49th, watching Aidan’s volleyball games, talking into the night with friends about their faith and struggles in it. choosing to book a plane ticket to go visit family and paint their bedroom. 

Connection is so much more than sharing a reel. It can be though. I think it’s about intention in the connection. 

That’s the secret sauce. For sure. 

Planting

Spring arrived today. In so many ways. 

It was warm. 

Daylight savings time is here. 

But more importantly I planted. And when I did I saw what I knew I could trust all winter long. There was life under that ground that is ready to bloom. It’s peaking out right now just enough to remind me and everyone who walks by that it hasn’t forgotten. 

And I didn’t see it all right away because there was so much debris and leaves and dead that needed to be cleared away. And the more I cleared the more I saw buds and new life ready to come. 

But you know what else I had to do? I had to get those stinking seeds in the ground before it was too late. And some of them said it takes 180-300 days. What?! I have to trust that the tiny sunflower seeds I planted and I can no longer see will come up in 6-10 months from now? And the same with my bulbs and flowers that I had to deadhead all the seeds so new life could come from them. And some of those seeds aren’t going to take. 

But you know what seeds never grow? The ones sitting in my office in a paper bag all warm and cute and visible. But they are dead. Or at least they are shrinking. They for sure aren’t giving life. And the longer they sat there the less chance they had of taking root. 

Taking root. From being buried. And shook. And put into the dark places that we can’t see right now. And so right now we trust. And we know that there is life happening under the ground that we can’t see. Just like it’s been for the last 7 months. 

The months I felt sad and angry. The months I didn’t feel seen. The months I wanted to have my boys here and not away leaving me with the empty that came in that season. The months I wanted Jeremy’s migraines to just be gone. 

Or there was sweetness for sure in those months as well. There was laughter and Thanksgiving and Christmas and league champions in swimming and students that affirmed they needed me just like I needed them. 

But there was a lot more happening under the soil than above, but you know what? If it is was all one or the other there wouldn’t be flowers poking their sweet heads just daring me to trust again. To trust that we must be planted and not just for a few days. Sometimes we can read the package and know it’s 180-300 days and even if it seems long at least we know. But sometimes we just wait and wonder what’s already under the soil that’s just a few days from blooming and when we move and weed the garbage of winter we see it. 

It’s all there. And so we plant some more. 

In the cold dark ground. Where life can happen. 

I dare to trust that Spring is here. Again. 

Sigma

 Today I was sitting in my office and heard my students waiting in the hall after class and talking about how much they liked PE this year. And I couldn’t help myself I had to pop my head out and listen. And so I asked them did I just hear what I thought I heard? 

And they said the workout today was sigma. 

Sigma. After I gave them a workout that was full out HIIT to their highest heart rate zone. And it was hard. 

And then I overheard another student say “I can’t feel my legs but that workout was just what I needed and I feel so much better.” 

Just. What. I. Needed. 

Another win. And yes just what I needed too. What we all need to know the work we do matters. The work we do encourages, helps, and creates confidence in others 

And then to top it off I had my board plastered with happy messages about how loved and appreciated I was. 

Sigma for sure or whatever words kids are using to express that we are killing it. Rizz. Awesome. Epic. Doesn’t matter the word we use to say it…we are all are searching for the same sweet reminder. The truth that what we are doing is right where we need to be.