So...
On August 9th of 2015 I posted that there was 23 hours and 50 minutes
till I go back to work. And now it's another summer of lessons learned
and there is always more to say...
On August 10th of 2016 at
12:10 am in the morning I couldn't sleep. I had 55 hours and 48
minutes until I had go back and every time I faced this moment I
realize the gift that time is. Whether it is is 10 minutes or 24 hours.
Or 6 days or 3 years. It's all a gift.
It's now August 11, 2017 at 10:01 on Friday night and I hear the rustling of Aidan playing Legos, I'm waiting for Micah to get home from being out with friends and Jeremy and I just got back from date #3987 of the summer...out on the patio at Lucha by Clemet park.
And this is my favorite way to remember the gift of summer and the gift of time.
So here it goes...
Do I say that when I was cutting up strawberries with my Aunt Shelley I saw what it meant to live in the moment and that you never know when you get those moments with people? Especially when they have faced cancer and struggled.
Do I say that summer mornings reading our Bibles and connecting on the front porch is the most amazing gift our marriage could have?
Do I say that connecting with others is who I want to be? And summer gives me the reminder of how important that is to do face to face and heart to heart?
Do I say that when I went to Disney and the old lady in the line next to me at Disney shared her heart and loss of her husband I looked down and saw Jeremy and me standing side by side and I got it? I got that having someone by your side is the greatest gift there is.
Do I say that going to New York was so magical in so many ways? To watch the clouds at Central Park and eat in Little Italy was was people did in movies...and it was the life we were living. And I didn't deserve any of it.
Do I say that Jeremy got in the water with me at Catlina to snorkel and I know the fear that he had to face to put on the wetsuit? And he did because he loves me that much.
Do I say that usually I lose weight in the summer and this summer I didn't? And it was because I decided it is more important to be healthy on the inside and in relationships with those around you than being in perfect shape.
Do I say that I had to sit on the side of the pool because my foot was so ripped up from getting my warts burned and I learned a little bit more of how to accept life and enjoy what you can instead of focus on what sucks?
Do I say that I realized when Sara got breast cancer and had to have surgery that it was a tough reminder that you never know what life will bring and sometimes you don't have time to prepare and process you just have to face it?
Do I say that putting Emmi to sleep was both beautiful and hard? And that I journaled after it and started with the statement, "I never wanted a dog". And it was the beautiful reminder to give and you can see the beauty it brings to so many when you aren't just concerned about yourself.
Do I say that when I got the news that Aidan couldn't play in Utah I lost faith for a little bit? I saw only the moment we were in and I was so sad and angry. But I prayed and had hope and when he played the next day I had so much more joy because of it.
Do I say that sharing my story with Erica at Mike's wedding was the reminder that we connect with others in our brokenness? And because I did she shared with me in an amazing way that would have never happened otherwise.
Do I say that I love Wisconsin and I hate leaving every summer? But I didn't fight it and I knew that going home was what needed to be done in that moment to care for my family best.
Do I say that going to Mall of America was so stinking fun and I love that we could be at that place with the boys and just enjoy it?
Do I say that every time I live out of a bin for a month I realize what matters and I don't want so much stuff in life? But then I get home and lose perspective all over again.
Do I say that I miss doing art this summer but I have learned that the moment doesn't define the whole? Time for that will come and right now I have to do schoolwork and invest in other gifts.
Do I say that I love slow mornings more and more and trust that just because I'm not getting up at 5:30 to workout I am missing out? I am letting each season be the best it can be.
Do I say that yoga has been healing for me and Jeremy in ways that I didn't ever imagine? And I am so thankful for the reminder to take time in this together.
Do I say that waking Micah up the morning after we got back after California was so so sweet? And I hope that I can have a heart like...to have the first thing I am concerned about to be getting someone their birthday present when I see them.
Do I say that I totally blew it with Nate and Amber and Christmas and I think it is the reminder to take better care of people and not take them for granted?
Do I say that I woke up to Birthday texts from my boys and that was more important than a million people party?
Do I say that I know I have so, so, so much more than I deserve and my heart change in this is truly who I wan to be?
...
Do I say that it is now 8/20 at 10:26 at night and back to school reality has hit? But at the same time I have embraced the mantra that 'It always gets done' and somehow this weekend... we cleaned the house Friday after school, I had a campfire all Friday night, I slept in Saturday, I drank coffee on the porch, I went for a morning walk with Jeremy, I went to the airport to get Nate, I went to Aidan's bb tryouts, I went to jumpstreet, I went to Viewhouse, I had omlets, I went swimming, I watched Clone Wars with Aidan...AND I got all my homework done without freaking out. Do I say this is such a better way to live than fake resting and worrying all the time about yourself and how your needs will get met?
Do I say that living life isn't about a whole bunch of cute quotes but living authentically in grace, forgiveness, and love. It is about living with real and then accepting everyone else's real too.
Do I say that I'm scared that my boys are getting older and I'm going to miss it if I don't stop and be with them right now in this moment because it is what is given to me? And yet I know that life is not to be lived in fear but in the beauty that we designed for a lifetime not just a day.
Do I say that I am fearful every time I take the helm of the sailboat but this is the only way I am going to learn how to do hard things? By doing them.
Do I say that I have never been so chill about going back to work and because of that it has been so much better for everyone?
Do I say that yoga and walking is a whole new way to workout and be healthy but it is so much more for the long haul and not just a quick fix for the moment?
Do I say that I think I always want more but when I step back and look at all I have I get the perspective and reminder I need?
Or do I just rest in the word pleres?
To live life fully. Not on my own, but IN Him.
I had no idea when I chose that word the depth of what Jesus had in store for me, but wow. I am so glad that living fully isn't about living with MORE, quite the opposite actually. It's about living with heart and soul and remembering how to have a life that has meaning. And all the yuck and garbage and hard that God wants us to give to Him. Just give.
And trust.
And then repeat. Give and trust.
And that my friend is how you find a full life...on August 20th or November 20th or any day that you wake up to each moring.
Go...live fully in Him.That's what I want to say.
