"J" #4 Bueller to the rescue

The last time I wrote this out was 1-2-2017. Time for a perspective check. Just what I needed tonight. 

Have done this in the past...haven't done it in a while. Helps me embrace the Ferris Bueller of "life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while you might miss it"...in other words choose JOY.  All my words point me to the same practices...

AIDAN

Believing|  That sharing your faith is real and honest and more of who you are. I see your posts on Instagram and your boldness is growing. I love seeing this in you.

Learning | How to drive. How to handle a job, school, volunteering at church. How to handle when you don't do the dishes. How to say you screwed up. How to apologize and how to make plans and get get life at home done. Oh my boy we are always learning, enjoy the journey.

Eating | So different than I would want you to, but you are you. And I know as your mom I have to let you figure this out. Even if you skip breakfast and buy Mike and Ike's at King Soopers way too much. I just can't wait until the day you call and ask for the the recipe for Black Bean soup. That will be the day.

Working |  Officially at Brick and Mini-Figures. But also at school, friendships, school, on Lego Creations, and sports. All of these things take time and you are finding how to balance all of this and how your job helps afford you to do the other things you want to do, like going to the Nuggets game downtown and yes buying Mike and Ike's

Investing | In your faith and community. You have found that you have a lot of strength in bringing people together...movie nights, mashed potato nights, Nuggets games, and hanging at the park. You love to have ideas and have those ideas come to life. Front Range is helping you grow in this even more,

MICAH

Playing |   Fort Nite. Which is just crazy to me because you have never been a video game guy, but it's not about the game as much as it is about connecting with your friends and so that is what makes it so you. And along the way you are getting pretty good at it. And you are playing the Cajon at church and also...crazy but perfect for you. Love it.

Working |  Officially at school. So stinking hard. You were so mad last week when you had a B+ in Science and weren't going to make all A honor role. And so you worked and you did. You have flourished at school and even though you watch way too much Friends while you do your homework you are figuring out how to thrive and learn.

Reminding | Us to to have peace and let the stupid stuff go. Love this about you. Need this in you.

Watching  |  Friends. Way too much and after you have already finished the series once. Goofball.

 Investing | In your faith and church and the community you have found there. You belong and you continue to connect and grow with your friends there in a deeper way than anywhere else in your life. You give them your heart and it shows.

JEREMY

Believing | That your concussion and health will recover. And going to therapy and doing exercises and trusting that all of this is giving you a new joy and hope for health that you haven't had in a long time.

Giving | Your time. This is a big one right now because you are teaching six classes...way too much overload and so you are giving your time at work so you can repay for the camper struggles of the summer. You always find a way to invest in something when you think you have made a wrong and want to make it right.

Listening | To the Enneagram podcasts with me and helping us understand each other more. This is such a great way that you show me love. And to my Marco Polo's...this listening is when I really know you love me.

Investing |  In your health. In your faith. In trying guitar again. In being a dad. In being a husband. You are such a giver and so you are finding how to be true to your giving self and yet take care of your own health. So important, so what I want to support you in. You are giving your all at VASA. and are rocking it.

Learning | How to be healthier and healthier. You always pursue health and I am so proud of you for that. Right now it is making a healthier shake in the morning and not eating so many empty calories...especially carbs.

Sharing | Your heart more. Your understanding of what it means to be "a 2" on the Ennegram. And how I can care for you more.

RACH

Learning | How to handle more capacity and yet how to let stuff go at the same time. Taking on the Instructional Coach job has stretched me in ways that I didn't imagine, like being gone so, so, much and finding how to have my classroom still thrive without me and not just survive.

Sharing |  My heart more. With others through Marco Polo and in conversations. Being real. Remembering that nobody connects with someone through all their awesomeness, instead through real and honest and learning from our mistakes. And when I do I find I am loved for who I am.

Investing | In too much. Truth is this is a hard one to write. I think I need to invest well in less than a lot in so much. Time to step back and look at what I am missing out on by investing in the urgent. BUT I am investing in my health in a more sustainable and daily way than ever.

Listening | To the Bible. Making this more important than music or podcasts or any other input in my life. Straight up...Proverbs and Ecclesiastes is where I am and it is the gut check I need.

Going | To team training classes with Jeremy at VASA and letting go of Masters swimming for this season in my life. Not getting up early and still trusting that I will get a workout in. It's a huge shift but dang it's a good one.

US

Choosing |  To not drink wine. Such a change from the habits we have created and having this be the way we wind down at night. So instead it's tea and wine on date night once a week. And this discipline is just the change we needed at this point in our life.

Hoping | Always hoping. I don't even want to lose this. Ever.

Connecting |  Through working out together, grocery shopping, watching Fraiser, and all the things. We have found a new place to be together and it has been so so good. Even if it came from the hard of a concussion and having things taken away.

"J" #3 Summer Says...a few days later...

So...

On August 9th of 2015 I posted that there was 23 hours and 50 minutes till I go back to work. And now it's another summer of lessons learned and there is always more to say...

On August 10th of 2016 at 12:10 am in the morning  I couldn't sleep. I had 55 hours and 48 minutes until I had go back and every time I faced this moment I realize the gift that time is. Whether it is is 10 minutes or 24 hours. Or 6 days or 3 years. It's all a gift.

On August 11, 2017 at 10:01 on Friday night and I could hear the rustling of Aidan playing Legos, I'm was waiting for Micah to get home from being out with friends and Jeremy and I just got back from date #3987 of the summer...out on the patio at Lucha by Clemet park.

On August 10th, 2018 at 2:42 on my last Friday afternoon of Summer Break I spent the morning shoveling dirt. For real. And it was ok. It was just a reminder of how time is a gift no matter what you are doing and so as Jeremy and Micah are at the dump I am reflecting so I don't miss it.

And this is my favorite way to remember the gift of summer and the gift of time.

Do I say that this summer was amazing, and tough, and fun, and hard, and messy, and healing, and so many more emotions and experiences than I can ever imagine a summer being?

Do I say that sometimes love is laying on the front lawn while the adhesive dries so you can do another coat in a few hours and that is the love that you know is real and deep and is so much more important than the write notes and go on dates love?

Do I say that getting the letter from Aidan at lab gave me hope that he is going to thrive...even though I know he will hit tough spots and lows and struggles...that hope. I will always remember.

Do I say...

That this says it all that I started this and didn't get a chance to finish it. So here I go again 14 days later because if there is anything I know it's that fighting to remember your memories is so worth it...

Do I say that going to New York again gave us a chance to go deeper than I thought we could and experience the city on bikes, and with new views and new restaurants...while still revisiting some of the amazing gifts the city has to offer like pizza...Little Italy...and Central Park.

Do I say that the camper didn't have to define our summer and that we can use experiences like that to grow rather than define?

Do I say that I miss going to the pool and playing with my kids in the summer like we used to because they are making their own lives more and more and so when they asked me to play on the raft at Grandpa Bob's the answer is heck to the yes.

Do I say that I am learning that my birthday doesn't mean the world stops for me all day or all week...but instead it is just an extension of the gifts and choices that I get to make every day?

Do I say that messing up the time on Wicked was one of the toughest mistakes to swallow and I am learning that I make mistakes like that and like having the kayaks fly off the car and lots of other failures that remind me that being human is ok.

Do I say that dancing in the rain at Nate's shop and then seeing the double rainbows was the visual reminder of God's mercy, love, grace, and laughter.

Do I say that going to the the island on Black Lake was like a secret discovery that I never knew was there all along?

Do I say that I can remember too much conflict over that which never should have been until we finally just said enough is enough and it was so freeing to start over and feel the grace that God gives us every day that we need to extend to each other.

Do I say that I lose sight of how much of a gift summer is until school starts again and it is such a struggle to make Dr. appointments, meet up with friends, and sleep in...and I want to remember when I am in the middle of it that it is SO AWESOME to NOT HAVE TO MAKE A LUNCH EVERY DAY the night before. Remember that.

Do I say that when I biked in NY I found a new level of facing my fears that I needed to face and that sometimes the only way through something is literally through it...and sometimes that means biking in NY rush hour?

Do I say that going to Virginia to the Lego convention was a great way to experience that which is so important to my boys and seeing the world through their lens?

Do I say that Aidan have his bike stolen was so tough and yet so important to face in life and learn from.

Do I say that Micah swam so little and in the end. It was so ok. Because you can't ever get back time with family or experiences. So ok.

Do I say that I wish I would have eaten better and slept more but honestly learning how to live life more in trust means I trust these areas because again. It is ok.

Do I say that allowing for space for people to fail is something we all are learning a little more each day?

Do I say that drawing, watercolor, journaling, meeting friends at a breakfast dive, kayaking, going to the pool...is all what I forget to do once school starts and man it is so good for the soul to make time for this.

Do I say that being part of the Breathe Bible Study was just what I needed at that exact moment in my life...especially the part where I needed to admit I couldn't come and I needed to stay home and help Jeremy with the camper?

Do I say that sailing at Fort is so stinking fun? And I actually might figure out how to sail someday after all?

Do I say that it is ok that I didn't swim across the lake every day at Fort this summer but the days I did I enjoyed and was all the more thankful for it?

Do I say that I am learning that so much is a gift and I catch myself so entitled sometimes?

Do I say that summer is going to have ups and downs and the more I live life and have summers off I realize that sometimes we need to have summers like this one in which we refine a lot more by learning it the hard way?

Or do I say that all in all I can trust that joy is not in the circumstances but in the response. In the heart. And I want to truly live with joy even on the days when...

...kayaks fly, bikes are stolen, campers are water damaged, I didn't get sleep, and life wears you out.

Because man if we focus on all that we will miss all that God truly wants for us.

Joy.
In.
Our.
Heart.

That will not be shaken.

"J" #2 Sometimes It's Popcorn

I don't even know what I want to say tonight but I know that the only way to get better at writing is by writing.

And the only way to get better at honesty is by being honest.

And the only way to get better at connecting with people is by connecting.

And so I am learning. For real, like with reading a book about not just talking (communication) but now to connect. And it is humbling. Because communication is something we all need to do, just like we all need to eat. But just because we all need to eat doesn't mean we all make these amazing choices every time we put something in our mouths.

Sometimes we eat chips and salsa.
Sometimes we eat a gourmet meal.
Sometimes it's popcorn (sometimes it's burned).
And lots of times it is spaghetti, because you find what works and you and you run with it. Until you need to find another meal that is a staple.

The same is true with communication. There once was a time that communication with my boys was as simple as sitting and watching Toy Story with them and drawing pictures of Dr. Sly. And now with them as teens I feel like I'm constantly trying to figure out how to teach them how what they say and do matters. And I want them to feel loved and valued. And know they have so much potential. And when they just settle for a 'crap meal' of ramen I feel like they are missing out on the potential of being hungry for something better.

And so this isn't a post about food...it's just the best analogy I can make on a Monday back after Spring break. It's really about wanting the best for the people I love in so many ways, and yet having to realize we all are human and we all satisfy our hungers through the process of getting it right some days and getting it really wrong some days.

And I hope when I read this post in the future I will know what this jumbled mess of analogies means and realize this journey we are on together is a beautiful crazy mess that is full of blessings and trials and hurts and joys. And the whole of it is truly where we can most find God's best.

"J" #1 So Much More

Joy

Ironically what I am learning is how easily our joy can be stolen...

When we get sick.
When life feel fair.
When we misunderstand each other.
When we start to grow.

Satan doesn't want us to have joy. He wants to steal it. Legit. He wants to take from us and is prowling around like a lion ready to remind us that there is so much in life to complain about, wish was different, or destroy.

But we have victory. Not in our circumstances but in our joy. Because joy isn't based on circumstances. Joy is a choice. Joy is a reason.

Joy is so much more than the moment we are in.