...but not for the reason that movies normally include scenes. Actually, maybe it is for the reasons senses normally make it into a movie...
Because they build character. And character isn't built in the scenes laying on the beach. Those are the reward scenes that you see after the character has been tested and put through hell. And truly the story that follows isn't "hell" but it is our family just learning to love each other a little more.
Story goes...Saturday night one of my students was singing in the Orchestra downtown and I really wanted to go. I looked to get tickets and they were way out of our budget....especially for 4 of us to go. Disappointed. But decided we would do something fun anyway that was more "festive" so we headed downtown to look at the lights and have a snack. It was cold and there was a family making a huge scene that was really awkward and uncomfortable that we almost stepped in on. Weird. But got back in the car and headed to get a snack. Couldn't decide where to go. I was thinking Cheesecake factory to surprise the boys. Jeremy was thinking pancakes. I was thinking I don't want to spend a fortune we can just get a piece to go. Jeremy was thinking let's go sit down somewhere...spiral down.
He pulls into Village Inn. I hate Village Inn. It's totally overpriced and I always walk out feeling like I paid $40 for eggs. But after having a dialogue in my head about how I was going to make the best of it I didn't say anything. Boys walk in and Jeremy and I follow behind. However, my feeling that this is a bad idea decided to come out of my head and so I said something about how I didn't really want to go here. Frustration from all. So we get back in the car and head to Cheesecake Factory. Jeremy doesn't want to go there because it makes him sick. I don't want to go anywhere "cliche" because I wanted to "do something fun". What's that anyway? Apparently, I didn't even know what I wanted...I just knew what I didn't want and so we left the mall....spiral down.
So we walk into Cheesecake Factory. Look at the bakery and bail. Decide to walk around the mall. Go into a sports store...Micah asks Aidan if he likes the Packer stuff that he holds up...he says no rudely...we walk out of the store...try to counsel Aidan on how to tell people things nicely...he walks faster away...spiral down.
Not the memory I was hoping for.
So we get in the car and call it a night. Go home and sit in the driveway and try to make sense out of this mess we spiraled into. I can't decide what I want. Aidan is still defending himself. Jeremy is frustrated at both of us. And so he turns to Micah, sweet Micah to save the night. And asks Micah what he wants to do and he says Panera. So we start the car and go. Spiral up. That was all it took. That tiny decision. That night turned around from Micah deciding it was more important to him for us to be together and just go to Panera.
How many times do we face spiral decisions each day? A little decision that we think is small but spirals us one direction or another? Because the truth is that was all it took in the beginning to go the wrong direction too. And we have that choice of which way to go with what is thrown at us. Deciding where to go to eat for a snack shouldn't have turned into a huge frustrating night...it was really quite ridiculous. But it did. And yet we had the choice to turn it around. And we did.
That's why I think this scene would have made it into our "Porier Family Life Movie" because it is the story of learning to love each other a little more.
Yep, that would make the cut alright. Thanks Micah. We need you more than you ever know.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Friday, November 27, 2015
#19 "S" The Life of A Victor
I cried while watching Mockingjay Part 2 today. (Major Spoiler alert if you haven't watched or read it...)
Not Katniss and Primm danced.
Not when Finnick died.
Not when Primm died.
Not when Katniss let Gale go.
And not even when Katniss held her baby and talked about how to overcome nightmares.
All of those were touching moments, but they didn't move me like the scene between Effie and Katniss when they say goodbye. Not because they were parting but because of these words exchanged between them...
"I hope you find it." "Find what?" Katniss asks. "The life of a victor," Effie responds.
Katniss didn't feel like a victor when Effie said that. Katniss had a choice of how to live in victory even though Primm was gone, even though she didn't know how to move forward she still chose to.
20 years later I still make that choice of living even though my mom is gone. 20 years later I still make the choice that life can be lived in victory even though there have been parts of it that didn't feel like it. My mom could have lived in victory but she chose not to. That's is probably the hardest sentence I've ever written because I know she wanted to. I know she thought she was choosing to live in victory, but the truth is she struggled. She struggled with finding a life of victory rather than pieces of victory. But pieces of victory isn't what Christ came to give us. He came to give us the whole stinking thing. The whole life as a victor. We can live in victory because of what Christ has done for us. Victory in our relationships. Victory in our hearts. Victory even in our struggles. Victory even when we don't feel like it. Because truly, that scene was all about moving forward when you don't feel like it. That scene of Katniss and Effie wouldn't be the one that that show as the victory moment of the movie. But it holds more victory than the moment that she shot the arrow into Coin's heart. It wouldn't be the scene where you walk out of the movie and think, "she won...now let's all go home and live happily ever after" but it is the scene that led to those other scenes. How many of those scenes do we face each day? Those scenes where you chose to respond in love when everything in you wants to yell and scream at somebody or something? Those scenes where you don't want to meal plan and go grocery shopping and do the laundry and grade papers and just plain be responsible but you do anyway? Those scenes matter more than you know because they set you up for the movie scenes that make the highlight reel and you need all of them to make it a good story.
So that's why this scene made me cry. Because it was all heart. It was the moment where you get to chose how to move forward and do you it, even though you don't feel like it. You do it because you know the rest of the story and it is a story of victory. Go live it.
Not Katniss and Primm danced.
Not when Finnick died.
Not when Primm died.
Not when Katniss let Gale go.
And not even when Katniss held her baby and talked about how to overcome nightmares.
All of those were touching moments, but they didn't move me like the scene between Effie and Katniss when they say goodbye. Not because they were parting but because of these words exchanged between them...
"I hope you find it." "Find what?" Katniss asks. "The life of a victor," Effie responds.
Katniss didn't feel like a victor when Effie said that. Katniss had a choice of how to live in victory even though Primm was gone, even though she didn't know how to move forward she still chose to.
20 years later I still make that choice of living even though my mom is gone. 20 years later I still make the choice that life can be lived in victory even though there have been parts of it that didn't feel like it. My mom could have lived in victory but she chose not to. That's is probably the hardest sentence I've ever written because I know she wanted to. I know she thought she was choosing to live in victory, but the truth is she struggled. She struggled with finding a life of victory rather than pieces of victory. But pieces of victory isn't what Christ came to give us. He came to give us the whole stinking thing. The whole life as a victor. We can live in victory because of what Christ has done for us. Victory in our relationships. Victory in our hearts. Victory even in our struggles. Victory even when we don't feel like it. Because truly, that scene was all about moving forward when you don't feel like it. That scene of Katniss and Effie wouldn't be the one that that show as the victory moment of the movie. But it holds more victory than the moment that she shot the arrow into Coin's heart. It wouldn't be the scene where you walk out of the movie and think, "she won...now let's all go home and live happily ever after" but it is the scene that led to those other scenes. How many of those scenes do we face each day? Those scenes where you chose to respond in love when everything in you wants to yell and scream at somebody or something? Those scenes where you don't want to meal plan and go grocery shopping and do the laundry and grade papers and just plain be responsible but you do anyway? Those scenes matter more than you know because they set you up for the movie scenes that make the highlight reel and you need all of them to make it a good story.
So that's why this scene made me cry. Because it was all heart. It was the moment where you get to chose how to move forward and do you it, even though you don't feel like it. You do it because you know the rest of the story and it is a story of victory. Go live it.
Monday, November 23, 2015
#18 "S" I'm Going to Start Liking Running More
Not the actual running, I already love that. But the posts that people have about running, even though I probably will never be able to run those distances again someday. It's hard. It's hard to know that I have the drive and the passion and the discipline and...everything but the feet to run that long again. And for a while I was happy because I went from not being able to run at all, so every little mile felt like victory. But now, I'm in that ungrateful part. The part where I want more and I see those that have more. And yet I am going to get over myself and start liking their posts.
Because... there are brokenhearted and lonely people that like my posts about how in love I am with my husband.
Because ...there are people that have never gone to Disney World and still like when I post about going on California Screaming.
Because ...there are people that long to road trip and travel in the summer and never get to and like my posts about driving all the way to Cape Hatteras.
Because ...there are people out there that have lost their children from cancer, accidents, health problems, war, miscarriages...and other tragedies and still like my posts about my kids having a great basketball game.
I say this not so that we don't post our celebrations and joys in life but that we start joining in others celebrations more. Because lets be honest, we all have our something that is hard to like. Not because we don't like it but because we love it...and those my friends are the hardest. But those are the ones that I think are going to change us from wishing it was us to truly celebrating somebody else.
Because... there are brokenhearted and lonely people that like my posts about how in love I am with my husband.
Because ...there are people that have never gone to Disney World and still like when I post about going on California Screaming.
Because ...there are people that long to road trip and travel in the summer and never get to and like my posts about driving all the way to Cape Hatteras.
Because ...there are people out there that have lost their children from cancer, accidents, health problems, war, miscarriages...and other tragedies and still like my posts about my kids having a great basketball game.
I say this not so that we don't post our celebrations and joys in life but that we start joining in others celebrations more. Because lets be honest, we all have our something that is hard to like. Not because we don't like it but because we love it...and those my friends are the hardest. But those are the ones that I think are going to change us from wishing it was us to truly celebrating somebody else.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
#17 S "Inspired by Inside Out"...
Today I...
Held Baby Daniel. And took a picture with him.
Grateful
Held Baby Daniel. And took a picture with him.
Grateful
#16 S "Capturing the fullness of grateful"
I went to Inside Out at the cheap-o theater with Micah for his aliens day night. The day had some unexpected turns and I knew he needed some special time to feel like we were truly celebrating him.
I didn't expect it to hit me like it did. That's what is so amazing about timing in life. I think if I would have watched this movie a week ago it wouldn't have had the impact that it did. But I didn't watch it a week ago, I watched it on Saturday with Micah. On his aliens day. And for that I was so grateful.
I was grateful because I got to visually SEE how we are made up of the fullness of our emotions.
I was grateful because I got to cry when Bing-Bong "died". Not because he died but because of HOW he died. That he jumped out and knew his sacrifice would save Joy...and ultimately Riley.
I was grateful because Micah said after the movie, "I would do what Bing-Bond did for my kids. And for Audrey." What a kid. What a heart.
I was grateful because our memories aren't just isolated in one emotion but instead God creates us as the wholeness of who we are. He creates us to have fear and anger and joy and disgust and sadness. And we need all of those. I used to think we had to choose. We don't. We need to live in the fullness of who God has created us and sometimes sadness is the one who has to step in and save us. Sometimes we just need to cry. And that is what connects us to others.
I was grateful because I saw that you can actually not have compassion for others if you are in "joy mode" and not taking care of others. Empathy. Joy thought she was all Riley needed and yet she found out in the end that it was just the opposite. Only sadness could stop Riley from running away.
I was grateful because I got to talk to Micah about what his "islands" were...Family, Batman, Movies, God...and I got to reflect on what my islands were. And I saw my life through a different lens than ever before.
I was grateful because I saw the incredible value of scrapbooking and why that gives us "core memories". I know I would have remembered the night on the bridge in Wisconsin Dells last summer without pictures but dang every time I look at the picture of Jeremy and I on the bridge that night my heart soars. Every time. And every time I look at the boys running away from the ocean waves for the first time. Heart soars. And every time I look at the picture of Micah in his carseat with the Thomas the Train tracks on his blanket that Aidan gave him I melt. Every time.
Keep taking pictures. Keep capturing. Keep telling stories. Keep facing the sad. Keep admitting what you feel. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep being the wholeness of who you are.
That is a message I needed to hear on Saturday night and need to hear every night. So, so grateful for a boy who needed special time with me that night, because I was blessed more than I imagined. Funny how that happens...God's timing is so great. Capture it.
I didn't expect it to hit me like it did. That's what is so amazing about timing in life. I think if I would have watched this movie a week ago it wouldn't have had the impact that it did. But I didn't watch it a week ago, I watched it on Saturday with Micah. On his aliens day. And for that I was so grateful.
I was grateful because I got to visually SEE how we are made up of the fullness of our emotions.
I was grateful because I got to cry when Bing-Bong "died". Not because he died but because of HOW he died. That he jumped out and knew his sacrifice would save Joy...and ultimately Riley.
I was grateful because Micah said after the movie, "I would do what Bing-Bond did for my kids. And for Audrey." What a kid. What a heart.
I was grateful because our memories aren't just isolated in one emotion but instead God creates us as the wholeness of who we are. He creates us to have fear and anger and joy and disgust and sadness. And we need all of those. I used to think we had to choose. We don't. We need to live in the fullness of who God has created us and sometimes sadness is the one who has to step in and save us. Sometimes we just need to cry. And that is what connects us to others.
I was grateful because I saw that you can actually not have compassion for others if you are in "joy mode" and not taking care of others. Empathy. Joy thought she was all Riley needed and yet she found out in the end that it was just the opposite. Only sadness could stop Riley from running away.
I was grateful because I got to talk to Micah about what his "islands" were...Family, Batman, Movies, God...and I got to reflect on what my islands were. And I saw my life through a different lens than ever before.
I was grateful because I saw the incredible value of scrapbooking and why that gives us "core memories". I know I would have remembered the night on the bridge in Wisconsin Dells last summer without pictures but dang every time I look at the picture of Jeremy and I on the bridge that night my heart soars. Every time. And every time I look at the boys running away from the ocean waves for the first time. Heart soars. And every time I look at the picture of Micah in his carseat with the Thomas the Train tracks on his blanket that Aidan gave him I melt. Every time.
Keep taking pictures. Keep capturing. Keep telling stories. Keep facing the sad. Keep admitting what you feel. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep being the wholeness of who you are.
That is a message I needed to hear on Saturday night and need to hear every night. So, so grateful for a boy who needed special time with me that night, because I was blessed more than I imagined. Funny how that happens...God's timing is so great. Capture it.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
"15 S" Let's Go
My new favorite book of the Bible is Deuteronomy. Not like I've had a favorite book for a while now. Truth is I haven't been in the Word in depth since 1st John this summer. Truth is I spend way too much time on that which doesn't matter for the sake of that which does.
Truth is I finally woke up this morning and decided it was time to make a change. Time to have a heart to heart with God and change my heart. Time to have a heart to heart and stop "skimming" as a way of life. So I did. And somehow in my reading this morning I "acidentally" ended up reading Deuteronomy out of the Message because my Bible is in the car with Jeremy who is taking my dad to the airport.
And so I read the Introduction to Deuteronomy and I was blown away. I actually said out loud, "how did I miss this? How did I not know this is what this book is about?"
The intro simply said this...Moses puts the Israelites entire experience into pretense tense, then he puts the entire revelation of commandment and covenant into present tense, and then he wraps it all up in a blessing to launch them into today's obedience and believing. Aka..."let's go"
Did you catch that? He reminds them of their past and all that God has done and gives them hope for the future.
Don't we all need that? Don't we all need the reminder of how we have screwed up but God loves us anyway? Wrapped with the reminders of when we have been obedient and how much blessing that brings...and finally the launch to move forward, even though we have no idea what the future holds?
Launch. I love that word. I love that it's like this visual of a diving board where you hesitantly get on and jump up and down a little and then a little more and then finally you are smiling and laughing and you just have enough spring to jump! Maybe that's not what Moses meant and maybe I am just running away with this idea but I think it is how God works in our lives...he launches us. He gives us just a little bounce, and then a little more, and then a little more until we can't help but jump. And you know what? Once you jump off the diving board once what does every little kid say the second they rise to the surface in the water?
"Let's do it again!"
Dang I need that reminded this morning. Dang I need a little bounce right now. Dang I need a launch. And I am so thankful that God reminded me of just where to find it. His Word. His message.
"Let's go"...
Truth is I finally woke up this morning and decided it was time to make a change. Time to have a heart to heart with God and change my heart. Time to have a heart to heart and stop "skimming" as a way of life. So I did. And somehow in my reading this morning I "acidentally" ended up reading Deuteronomy out of the Message because my Bible is in the car with Jeremy who is taking my dad to the airport.
And so I read the Introduction to Deuteronomy and I was blown away. I actually said out loud, "how did I miss this? How did I not know this is what this book is about?"
The intro simply said this...Moses puts the Israelites entire experience into pretense tense, then he puts the entire revelation of commandment and covenant into present tense, and then he wraps it all up in a blessing to launch them into today's obedience and believing. Aka..."let's go"
Did you catch that? He reminds them of their past and all that God has done and gives them hope for the future.
Don't we all need that? Don't we all need the reminder of how we have screwed up but God loves us anyway? Wrapped with the reminders of when we have been obedient and how much blessing that brings...and finally the launch to move forward, even though we have no idea what the future holds?
Launch. I love that word. I love that it's like this visual of a diving board where you hesitantly get on and jump up and down a little and then a little more and then finally you are smiling and laughing and you just have enough spring to jump! Maybe that's not what Moses meant and maybe I am just running away with this idea but I think it is how God works in our lives...he launches us. He gives us just a little bounce, and then a little more, and then a little more until we can't help but jump. And you know what? Once you jump off the diving board once what does every little kid say the second they rise to the surface in the water?
"Let's do it again!"
Dang I need that reminded this morning. Dang I need a little bounce right now. Dang I need a launch. And I am so thankful that God reminded me of just where to find it. His Word. His message.
"Let's go"...
Sunday, August 16, 2015
"14" S "For here or to go?"
How many times have we been asked that in life? And how many times do we take things to go even though we don't need to?
Yesterday Micah reminded me that we didn't need our bagel to go when stopping at Panera for a snack. We could enjoy the moment. And I almost missed it. I almost just ordered it to go and was going to hand it to him while walking to go to our next stop.
But there was no reason to rush. I just artificially rush without knowing it. We had time. We had just taken tons of time looking for a baseball hat together and enjoying the process. So why stop there?
So instead we took it for "here" and sat down outside and enjoyed our bagel together. It probably was less than five minutes of an investment but the rewards were so much greater. We talked. We sat. We laughed. We schemed. We spent time together in a real way not in a "lets just get to the next thing on our list way". It was real, not artificial.
Dang I needed that. I need that everyday. We all do. We just trade five minutes of efficiency and miss out for no reason.
Remember this.
And next time you are asked " for here or to go?" Think twice. Invest in the moment.
Selah.
Yesterday Micah reminded me that we didn't need our bagel to go when stopping at Panera for a snack. We could enjoy the moment. And I almost missed it. I almost just ordered it to go and was going to hand it to him while walking to go to our next stop.
But there was no reason to rush. I just artificially rush without knowing it. We had time. We had just taken tons of time looking for a baseball hat together and enjoying the process. So why stop there?
So instead we took it for "here" and sat down outside and enjoyed our bagel together. It probably was less than five minutes of an investment but the rewards were so much greater. We talked. We sat. We laughed. We schemed. We spent time together in a real way not in a "lets just get to the next thing on our list way". It was real, not artificial.
Dang I needed that. I need that everyday. We all do. We just trade five minutes of efficiency and miss out for no reason.
Remember this.
And next time you are asked " for here or to go?" Think twice. Invest in the moment.
Selah.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
13 "S" Do I Say?
23 hours and 50 minutes till I go back to work. And what do I say as that time is coming?
Do I say that I learned how to be present with my kids and play more than ever this summer?
Do I say that I love jumping on the trampoline and having them spray me with water because it is just so STINKING FUN?!
Do I say that taking Micah to the track and working out with him has given me more joy than I could have ever imagined?
Do I say that I need to be intentional about creating space in my head and be so much more discerning about how I fill my in-between times (because let's admit it...we all have them)?
Do I say that we traveled 5,200 miles and slept in the camper for 29 nights and I could do it every night?
Do I say that we learned that even vacations have downpours where water gets in your camper and how you respond in those moments continue to shape you to who you are?
Do I say that there were shark attacks 20 miles from where we were in in the water and boogie boarding and we went in anyway?
Do I say that we really want to be on water all summer and being in Colorado is really hard?
Do I say that if I am in my house too long I get restless and discontent and want to have the light fixtures changed and blinds done and all the things that I can let go of when I am traveling but don't know why when I return back home it just pulls at me?
Do I say that I am ready to pursue PE and see what that next step holds for me?
Do I say that I love being at Fort and I am excited for serving there and having my kids build a life there?
Do I say that my grandma passed away and I read her Isaiah and that it was ok that I wasn't grieving her now but instead all that we missed when I was younger?
Do I say that I love being in my studio and painting and cutting up pictures and looking back on life and that it fills me in a way that nothing else does?
Do I say that yesterday Jeremy and I fought about cleaning the bathrooms and having better balance on fun and work in life?
Do I say that I love eating breakfast on the porch and that the more I am outside the happier I am? (Especially starting my day that way.)
Do I say that going to Washington DC humbles me and makes me feel like a big selfish spoiled American and that the more I learn about history the more I am reminded of the stories that everyone lived and fought through?
Do I say that one of my favorite memories of summer was watching the Jackie Robinson movie with Aidan late at night and realizing how grown up he is?
Do I say that my boys have had more sleepovers together this summer than I can count and that I love that they love to be together as best buddies (even if Micah is on his I-pod and Aidan is playing X-box)?
Do I say that my heart hurts for Nate and Amber right now and all that they are facing and I have committed to pray and send them notes of hope for 30 days because doing something tangible is always what God calls us to do instead of nothing?
Do I say that I get excited for the beginning of the school year and setting up more than the rest of the year because I love creating and trying new ideas (like board games and coloring)?
Do I say that I sailed this summer and dumped the sailboat in the process but that I feel like I might just be able to get it?
Do I say that I love swimming in open water and that someday I want that to be my morning workout wherever we live?
Do I say that reading "Pray, Write, Grow" was one of the best accidental readings of this summer and I hope that it can continue into the year?
Do I say that I hate shipping stuff and spending money on it but I am going to suck it up and do it anyway?
Do I say that spending time with my cousins and Shelley was so obvious that being obedient to God can change people's lives?
Do I say that going mountain biking in Steamboat Springs both was awesome and scared the heck out of me?
Do I say that I know I am spoiled to go camping with just Jeremy and I and that we have been given so many blessings?
Do I say that I really want to go to "Cowboy Church" and have a real relationship more than these inspirational messages that we get right now?
Do I say that swimming though fish eggs with Carely while Micah and Ashley sang songs will always make me smile and that memory is one of my favorites?
Do I say that silence is better than I ever knew?
Do I say that shopping for school shirts with Micah is crazy fun and he will always be my style boy?
Do I say that when we are going for family walks and Aidan comes up and just slips his hand in mine I know that as a mama we are doing good?
Do I say that yesterday Micah styled his hair more times than I can count (so he can look like Chris Pratt)?
Do I say that I woke up earlier today on my own than most summer mornings?
Do I say that I have learned that you can get a heck of a workout on a stair stepper in 15 minutes?
Do I say that I wish I didn't like wine and chips and hummus so much?
Do I say that I am less afraid to risk than ever?
Or do I just say...
I am blessed.
God is faithful.
Rest is good for the soul.
Happy Summer 2015
Selah
Do I say that I learned how to be present with my kids and play more than ever this summer?
Do I say that I love jumping on the trampoline and having them spray me with water because it is just so STINKING FUN?!
Do I say that taking Micah to the track and working out with him has given me more joy than I could have ever imagined?
Do I say that I need to be intentional about creating space in my head and be so much more discerning about how I fill my in-between times (because let's admit it...we all have them)?
Do I say that we traveled 5,200 miles and slept in the camper for 29 nights and I could do it every night?
Do I say that we learned that even vacations have downpours where water gets in your camper and how you respond in those moments continue to shape you to who you are?
Do I say that there were shark attacks 20 miles from where we were in in the water and boogie boarding and we went in anyway?
Do I say that we really want to be on water all summer and being in Colorado is really hard?
Do I say that if I am in my house too long I get restless and discontent and want to have the light fixtures changed and blinds done and all the things that I can let go of when I am traveling but don't know why when I return back home it just pulls at me?
Do I say that I am ready to pursue PE and see what that next step holds for me?
Do I say that I love being at Fort and I am excited for serving there and having my kids build a life there?
Do I say that my grandma passed away and I read her Isaiah and that it was ok that I wasn't grieving her now but instead all that we missed when I was younger?
Do I say that I love being in my studio and painting and cutting up pictures and looking back on life and that it fills me in a way that nothing else does?
Do I say that yesterday Jeremy and I fought about cleaning the bathrooms and having better balance on fun and work in life?
Do I say that I love eating breakfast on the porch and that the more I am outside the happier I am? (Especially starting my day that way.)
Do I say that going to Washington DC humbles me and makes me feel like a big selfish spoiled American and that the more I learn about history the more I am reminded of the stories that everyone lived and fought through?
Do I say that one of my favorite memories of summer was watching the Jackie Robinson movie with Aidan late at night and realizing how grown up he is?
Do I say that my boys have had more sleepovers together this summer than I can count and that I love that they love to be together as best buddies (even if Micah is on his I-pod and Aidan is playing X-box)?
Do I say that my heart hurts for Nate and Amber right now and all that they are facing and I have committed to pray and send them notes of hope for 30 days because doing something tangible is always what God calls us to do instead of nothing?
Do I say that I get excited for the beginning of the school year and setting up more than the rest of the year because I love creating and trying new ideas (like board games and coloring)?
Do I say that I sailed this summer and dumped the sailboat in the process but that I feel like I might just be able to get it?
Do I say that I love swimming in open water and that someday I want that to be my morning workout wherever we live?
Do I say that reading "Pray, Write, Grow" was one of the best accidental readings of this summer and I hope that it can continue into the year?
Do I say that I hate shipping stuff and spending money on it but I am going to suck it up and do it anyway?
Do I say that spending time with my cousins and Shelley was so obvious that being obedient to God can change people's lives?
Do I say that going mountain biking in Steamboat Springs both was awesome and scared the heck out of me?
Do I say that I know I am spoiled to go camping with just Jeremy and I and that we have been given so many blessings?
Do I say that I really want to go to "Cowboy Church" and have a real relationship more than these inspirational messages that we get right now?
Do I say that swimming though fish eggs with Carely while Micah and Ashley sang songs will always make me smile and that memory is one of my favorites?
Do I say that silence is better than I ever knew?
Do I say that shopping for school shirts with Micah is crazy fun and he will always be my style boy?
Do I say that when we are going for family walks and Aidan comes up and just slips his hand in mine I know that as a mama we are doing good?
Do I say that yesterday Micah styled his hair more times than I can count (so he can look like Chris Pratt)?
Do I say that I woke up earlier today on my own than most summer mornings?
Do I say that I have learned that you can get a heck of a workout on a stair stepper in 15 minutes?
Do I say that I wish I didn't like wine and chips and hummus so much?
Do I say that I am less afraid to risk than ever?
Or do I just say...
I am blessed.
God is faithful.
Rest is good for the soul.
Happy Summer 2015
Selah
Friday, June 5, 2015
12 "S" Meauring the unmeasurable
One of those days. One of those days where you wake up and read John and life is grand. And your kids are fabulous and you clean the mud room and go to Hobby Lobby (and don't even get annoyed by the people wrapping everything in tissue that are checking out in front of you) and you paint the planets (literally!) and you feel like you accompished the world.
And then you look around and you realize your house pretty much looks the same as it did when you woke up.
What?!
Sure some piles have moved. And the office is making progress. And some papers are filed and the lightbulbs have a new home but really not much changed. But that is ok. And this is my big/little revelation today. That is what so much of life is. So much of life is looking at the end of a day and not looking at it through the lens of productivity through what can be measured by the eye but what can be measured in other ways.
Today I spent time in the word for the first time in way too long. Really spent time and really felt connected to Jesus. If I spent all day doing that it would have been "more productive" than other days but my house wouldn't have looked like I did anything.
Yesterday I spent time biking, going to brunch, and loving life with Jeremy. Definitely the best use of my time...but again. It didn't look like I did much of anything when really I did so much.
What is it in us that fights for it to look like we accomplished so much when that isn't what matters in life? What is it that wants us to get the gold stars for what we did when who we are and how we spend time with people is so much more grand?
So today I will grow in that doing what matters isn't always what meets the eye. Watching movies together. Painting planets. Playing basketball. Having campfires. Being together. Going out with friends. Laughing. Investing.
For, it is truly in what we do that isn't measureable that can make the greatest difference of all. Let that sink in...
Happy summer Rach. The perfect time to live the unmeasurable in life.
And then you look around and you realize your house pretty much looks the same as it did when you woke up.
What?!
Sure some piles have moved. And the office is making progress. And some papers are filed and the lightbulbs have a new home but really not much changed. But that is ok. And this is my big/little revelation today. That is what so much of life is. So much of life is looking at the end of a day and not looking at it through the lens of productivity through what can be measured by the eye but what can be measured in other ways.
Today I spent time in the word for the first time in way too long. Really spent time and really felt connected to Jesus. If I spent all day doing that it would have been "more productive" than other days but my house wouldn't have looked like I did anything.
Yesterday I spent time biking, going to brunch, and loving life with Jeremy. Definitely the best use of my time...but again. It didn't look like I did much of anything when really I did so much.
What is it in us that fights for it to look like we accomplished so much when that isn't what matters in life? What is it that wants us to get the gold stars for what we did when who we are and how we spend time with people is so much more grand?
So today I will grow in that doing what matters isn't always what meets the eye. Watching movies together. Painting planets. Playing basketball. Having campfires. Being together. Going out with friends. Laughing. Investing.
For, it is truly in what we do that isn't measureable that can make the greatest difference of all. Let that sink in...
Happy summer Rach. The perfect time to live the unmeasurable in life.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
11 "S" Breathe
Summer vacation.
The words themselves cause me to stop and remember that rest is coming and part of the plan. This spring was so tough. So tough because everything just felt hard for a while after the funerals in March and that is ok. That is was ok that I was worn out. That it was ok that I was tired and needed to cry. That it was ok that I didn't want to fight anymore. That it was ok that I was human.
Because it helped me see others through that lens a little more. It helped me give grace when my student told me she didn't get her homework done because she was moving her grandma into a nursing home over the weekend. I got it a little more than I did before.
And today when my students sent me their resumes' at the last minute I had a little more grace for them than I used to. I think I needed that this year. I think I needed to remember that we are people and not machines. I think I needed to put up the basketball hoop in my classroom and shoot a few more buckets. I think I needed to just laugh when Ry lost her shoe. I think I needed to stop being so intense and start being more human.
Human. The word in itself feels so weak to me. But isn't there some crazy awesome promise that when we are weak He is strong in our weakness? How does that even work? What does that even mean? I think to me I am finding that proving how strong I am isn't the goal. Proving that I can do it on my own isn't what it is about. That is empty. That is selfish.
Watching the horse and the trainer at cowboy church this weekend just reinforced what I already knew. We are made for relationship. We are made for relationships. For sure. God knew. So glad.
We are made to be human and that is more than ok. It is is actually in God's image. It is actually so that we can get on our knees and rest in the One who isn't human.
And know there is always victory right around the corner. There has been so much victory in the last few months as I reflect. Victory with going to see my grandparents. Victory with hiring a new math teacher to work with. Victory with Aidan going onto middle school. Victory with getting a check from the car dealership.Victory with laying with Micah as he cried that he was leaving 3rd grade and was scared and that was ok. Victory with going camping in the rain and hail and loving it. Victory with getting a new camper. Victory with my heart. Victory in what matters. Victory in ending well. That is what God continues to put on my heart as I grow in "Selah" this year. The truth is I'm sucking it up at "Selah". The truth is I'm more human than I ever knew. The truth is God is bigger than my humanness and has wanted to be all along.
Breathe Rach Breathe. That is where all the life is found.
The words themselves cause me to stop and remember that rest is coming and part of the plan. This spring was so tough. So tough because everything just felt hard for a while after the funerals in March and that is ok. That is was ok that I was worn out. That it was ok that I was tired and needed to cry. That it was ok that I didn't want to fight anymore. That it was ok that I was human.
Because it helped me see others through that lens a little more. It helped me give grace when my student told me she didn't get her homework done because she was moving her grandma into a nursing home over the weekend. I got it a little more than I did before.
And today when my students sent me their resumes' at the last minute I had a little more grace for them than I used to. I think I needed that this year. I think I needed to remember that we are people and not machines. I think I needed to put up the basketball hoop in my classroom and shoot a few more buckets. I think I needed to just laugh when Ry lost her shoe. I think I needed to stop being so intense and start being more human.
Human. The word in itself feels so weak to me. But isn't there some crazy awesome promise that when we are weak He is strong in our weakness? How does that even work? What does that even mean? I think to me I am finding that proving how strong I am isn't the goal. Proving that I can do it on my own isn't what it is about. That is empty. That is selfish.
Watching the horse and the trainer at cowboy church this weekend just reinforced what I already knew. We are made for relationship. We are made for relationships. For sure. God knew. So glad.
We are made to be human and that is more than ok. It is is actually in God's image. It is actually so that we can get on our knees and rest in the One who isn't human.
And know there is always victory right around the corner. There has been so much victory in the last few months as I reflect. Victory with going to see my grandparents. Victory with hiring a new math teacher to work with. Victory with Aidan going onto middle school. Victory with getting a check from the car dealership.Victory with laying with Micah as he cried that he was leaving 3rd grade and was scared and that was ok. Victory with going camping in the rain and hail and loving it. Victory with getting a new camper. Victory with my heart. Victory in what matters. Victory in ending well. That is what God continues to put on my heart as I grow in "Selah" this year. The truth is I'm sucking it up at "Selah". The truth is I'm more human than I ever knew. The truth is God is bigger than my humanness and has wanted to be all along.
Breathe Rach Breathe. That is where all the life is found.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
10 "S" 6 minutes and 49 seconds.
2 songs. 6 minutes and 49 seconds.
The amount of time it took to soften a boy's heart.
The amount of time it took to remind a mommy of what is important.
The amount of time that grows parenting from a have to an "I get to".
Tonight when I went to tuck in I knew Aidan was super bummed that he got no "freetime" at home. We walked in the door at 8 tonight for the first time all day and the boys still had homework to do. Aidan finished and had to go right to bed and I saw it. I totally saw hardened heart as he sat in his bed ready to get tucked in. And so I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and I told him I had something for him and I put on the song "Awesome God" because he always wants me to sing that song to him and I feel like I am always screwing up the words. So I played it and sand along and rubbed his back (his favorite). No words were exchanged, they didn't need to be. The song ended and he quietly whispered, "can you rub my back a little more?". So I let Rich play on and as the next song filled his bed with calmness I knew. I knew that taking time to invest these few minutes makes all the difference between a boy that knows I care and a boy that just gets rushed to bed because it is past his bedtime. We listened together. We prayed. And that boy had a changed heart in that time. I knew it and I smiled.
What else do I need to invest 6 minutes and 49 seconds in to make all the difference in the world?
Sunday, April 5, 2015
#9 "S" No negotiating.
This says it all right now. If there is any reminder I needed this weekend it was this. I have a lot of junk to dump right now but I'm pretty sure God is ok with just taking me as I am. No questions asked. No judgement. No negotiating. Just like the story of the prodigal son. He is for me not against me. Awesome.
"Drops In The Ocean"
"Drops In The Ocean"
I want you as you are, not as you ought to be
Won't you lay down your guard and come to me
The shame that grips you now is crippling
It breaks my heart to see you suffering
Cause I am for you
I'm not against you
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
Don't think you need to settle for a substitute
When I'm the only love that changes you
And I am for you
I'm not against you
I am for you
I'm not against you
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
Open your heart
It's time that we start again
Open your heart
It's time that we start again
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
The drops in the ocean
I am for you
I'm not against you
I am for you
I'm not against you
Won't you lay down your guard and come to me
The shame that grips you now is crippling
It breaks my heart to see you suffering
Cause I am for you
I'm not against you
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
Don't think you need to settle for a substitute
When I'm the only love that changes you
And I am for you
I'm not against you
I am for you
I'm not against you
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
Open your heart
It's time that we start again
Open your heart
It's time that we start again
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
The drops in the ocean
I am for you
I'm not against you
I am for you
I'm not against you
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
#8 "S" In the Middle
For the first time since starting my "word a year" I have a sub word.
The middle.
And here's why...
I have learned (am learning...) that it is not in the end when I need to make different choices about my responses or really not even in the beginning. It's in the middle. In the hard. It's when you can't see the shore.
It's recogonizing that you want to respond different on the journey than you feel in the moment.
Anybody can respond well in the beginning or when you see the end. It's keeping hope when it matters most.
(Too funny I was in the middle of writing this and had to save it to come back to finish and post later. Profound I think :))
The middle.
And here's why...
I have learned (am learning...) that it is not in the end when I need to make different choices about my responses or really not even in the beginning. It's in the middle. In the hard. It's when you can't see the shore.
It's recogonizing that you want to respond different on the journey than you feel in the moment.
Anybody can respond well in the beginning or when you see the end. It's keeping hope when it matters most.
(Too funny I was in the middle of writing this and had to save it to come back to finish and post later. Profound I think :))
#9 "S" Remembering tears, grace, and the fullness of life.
What I want to remember...
Aidan texting his memories about Scott to Jeremy the instant he heard about Scott dying.
Micah coming out of the bathroom after Scott's funeral and just covered in tears.
Jeremy's story of Scott ringing the bell and McFarlane listening intently knowing that Scott was a kid once too.
Going to the cemetery and putting up the flowers that had fallen on my mom's grave and then going around and doing it for others. And knowing I am not alone. All of those people in the cemetery are people. People that were old. People that were young. People that were somebody's mom, somebody's sister, somebody's son...belonged to somebody. I am not alone.
The power of hope. Going for a walk and knowing that even though it was cold and grey and the buds were barely there they were there. Knowing. Knowing that there is so much more than what you see because you have been in winter before and you know summer always comes. Even if the winter is different; the hope isn't any different.
Playing cards with the messy of family. Me. Beau. Margaret. And Ruth. All brought together through death. A recent one and ones of long ago. Knowing that there is always grace and always healing and it rang out in laughter that night.
Laying with Jeremy after Scott's funeral in Grandpa's basement and just being. And knowing that was all we needed in that moment.
Jeremy holding his boys when they came for the viewing and just sobbing. Being together as a family in grief and having the boys experience daddy hurting.
Remembering when I was in Chicago that doing "the middle" well was important. And when I wasn't doing it well remembering that I need to give grace to them and to myself. Doing the hard stuff together is part of learning grace well.
Sitting down with my kids in Chicago airport and getting out my laptop to email work and telling the boys do as much technology as you want...and realizing you never know what somebody is facing as you walk by then in an airport. Don't judge. Don't forget we all are living a story beyond what meets the eye. We don't know if somebody is trying to make funeral arrangements while we pass them by. Give more grace.
Looking up as seeing Nate at Scott's funeral and knowing that the best thing to do for people is just show up. You don't ask what they need you just show up.
Visiting Grandpa and him saying "I didn't think you would come it's so inconvenient." And realizing in that moment the power of that word. Inconvenient. So much of life is inconvenient. Making sub plans. Traveling. Eating healthy. Just getting out of bed is inconvenient. That is not what drives our decisions. I sure hope not. The longer I live the more I realize that to enjoy something doesn't mean we are in maximum efficiency mode. We are in people mode and that is truly about being inconvenienced.
The simple moment of the boys and me having a smoothie and Lo Mein together at the Chicago airport on the way home and knowing we were almost there.
The thankful heart my boys had when I bought them movies and TV on the airplane.
Watching old reruns to Parenthood instead of feeling like I needed to be productive 24-7.
Growing up in that I wanted to be with Jeremy but he needed me to take care of the boys so he could do and be where he needed to be. That was bigger than I knew but also more necessary than I knew.
Watching silly Mickey Mouse cartoons with Micah in the airplane and laughing about hot dogs and ice cream trucks.
I want to remember the moment in the Chicago airport on the way to Rhinelander when I got hot water to make tea and just let myself feel. Called the airline and they weren't helpful. Called my dad and he was. The comfort of family was what I needed and I let my dad be that for me.
Grace. For me. For my kids. For others. I want to remember to give and get that more.
Aidan texting his memories about Scott to Jeremy the instant he heard about Scott dying.
Micah coming out of the bathroom after Scott's funeral and just covered in tears.
Jeremy's story of Scott ringing the bell and McFarlane listening intently knowing that Scott was a kid once too.
Going to the cemetery and putting up the flowers that had fallen on my mom's grave and then going around and doing it for others. And knowing I am not alone. All of those people in the cemetery are people. People that were old. People that were young. People that were somebody's mom, somebody's sister, somebody's son...belonged to somebody. I am not alone.
The power of hope. Going for a walk and knowing that even though it was cold and grey and the buds were barely there they were there. Knowing. Knowing that there is so much more than what you see because you have been in winter before and you know summer always comes. Even if the winter is different; the hope isn't any different.
Playing cards with the messy of family. Me. Beau. Margaret. And Ruth. All brought together through death. A recent one and ones of long ago. Knowing that there is always grace and always healing and it rang out in laughter that night.
Laying with Jeremy after Scott's funeral in Grandpa's basement and just being. And knowing that was all we needed in that moment.
Jeremy holding his boys when they came for the viewing and just sobbing. Being together as a family in grief and having the boys experience daddy hurting.
Remembering when I was in Chicago that doing "the middle" well was important. And when I wasn't doing it well remembering that I need to give grace to them and to myself. Doing the hard stuff together is part of learning grace well.
Sitting down with my kids in Chicago airport and getting out my laptop to email work and telling the boys do as much technology as you want...and realizing you never know what somebody is facing as you walk by then in an airport. Don't judge. Don't forget we all are living a story beyond what meets the eye. We don't know if somebody is trying to make funeral arrangements while we pass them by. Give more grace.
Looking up as seeing Nate at Scott's funeral and knowing that the best thing to do for people is just show up. You don't ask what they need you just show up.
Visiting Grandpa and him saying "I didn't think you would come it's so inconvenient." And realizing in that moment the power of that word. Inconvenient. So much of life is inconvenient. Making sub plans. Traveling. Eating healthy. Just getting out of bed is inconvenient. That is not what drives our decisions. I sure hope not. The longer I live the more I realize that to enjoy something doesn't mean we are in maximum efficiency mode. We are in people mode and that is truly about being inconvenienced.
The simple moment of the boys and me having a smoothie and Lo Mein together at the Chicago airport on the way home and knowing we were almost there.
The thankful heart my boys had when I bought them movies and TV on the airplane.
Watching old reruns to Parenthood instead of feeling like I needed to be productive 24-7.
Growing up in that I wanted to be with Jeremy but he needed me to take care of the boys so he could do and be where he needed to be. That was bigger than I knew but also more necessary than I knew.
Watching silly Mickey Mouse cartoons with Micah in the airplane and laughing about hot dogs and ice cream trucks.
I want to remember the moment in the Chicago airport on the way to Rhinelander when I got hot water to make tea and just let myself feel. Called the airline and they weren't helpful. Called my dad and he was. The comfort of family was what I needed and I let my dad be that for me.
Grace. For me. For my kids. For others. I want to remember to give and get that more.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
7 "S" "Welcome the' Flipped Cards' of Life"
What about when you can't stop and pause and KNOW you NEED to? And yet life is just so much. Parent-teacher conferences. A new vehicle with a check engine light. Grandma dying. PARCC testing. Getting a message that your little boy cried during testing because it was too much for him. All in the last 3 hours I have been slammed with life.
I know I need to Selah. But life doesn't allow for it when I needed it.
It's now 3 hours later and I haven't handled all of that well. Anybody can handle life when it's EASY. Anybody can handle the classroom full of eager to learn kids. Anybody can jump in the hot tub.
What about the ocean waves? What about classes that have Sam McClurg (Name changed) in them? What about days when you have conferences that are just disheartening? What about days when a loved one dies?
What then? How do you pause even when you can't? Is it a state of being no matter what the situation? Is it a heart decision long before it is an in the moment decision?
I don't know. I just need to be honest and say I knew what I needed today I just didn't know how to get it when I needed it till it was too late.
My favorite quote of the day now that I am sitting and reflecting was when Marnie told me that she was glad when her daughter was little and had her "card flipped" for talking because it is ok not to be perfect. It is actually welcome. Love that. Love the grace that is overflowing from that.
Welcome the "flipped cards" of life. That is what I will title this post. Great reminder.
I know I need to Selah. But life doesn't allow for it when I needed it.
It's now 3 hours later and I haven't handled all of that well. Anybody can handle life when it's EASY. Anybody can handle the classroom full of eager to learn kids. Anybody can jump in the hot tub.
What about the ocean waves? What about classes that have Sam McClurg (Name changed) in them? What about days when you have conferences that are just disheartening? What about days when a loved one dies?
What then? How do you pause even when you can't? Is it a state of being no matter what the situation? Is it a heart decision long before it is an in the moment decision?
I don't know. I just need to be honest and say I knew what I needed today I just didn't know how to get it when I needed it till it was too late.
My favorite quote of the day now that I am sitting and reflecting was when Marnie told me that she was glad when her daughter was little and had her "card flipped" for talking because it is ok not to be perfect. It is actually welcome. Love that. Love the grace that is overflowing from that.
Welcome the "flipped cards" of life. That is what I will title this post. Great reminder.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
#6 "S" Around Here
Have done this in the past...haven't done it in a while. Helps me embrace the Ferris Bueller of "life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while you might miss it"...in other words Selah.
AIDAN
Listening | To Pandora Kidz bop. To playlists that he makes. To a lot of Casting Crowns and finding his place as a teen with music and his faith. So super important. So understand that we need to support him in this.Reading | Anything about basketball you can find. Information on the Internet, novels, SI for Kids (always). And books so fast I can't keep up. Trying to read The Maze Runner with you so we can watch the movie together after. This fall we read and watched The Giver and just this last weekend we watched Hoot after you got me the book for Christmas.
Building |A football stadium with your Legos and millions of Oyos that you have. Also old Legos that you have outgrown like Destiny's Bounty so you can sell it on Ebay. I think that is super cool that you are so resourceful.
Playing | Xbox and hoops in the driveway. You play Minecraft and some Basketball game with Micah. Madden with Daddy and hoops with me. You have your thing with each of us and it is super cool that we have this together.
Practicing | Officially Tae-kwon-do (which you have no heart for and that is ok, it is good to do things out of your comfort zone), basketball, and writing at Writer's Workshop. Unofficially you are practicing how to be a compassionate brother, how to show patience and kindness, and a reminder of how to do easy talk. These are the things in life that you don't notice in the day to day but more when you step back and look I see so much growth. Like when Micah got hurt yesterday and you said you prayed for him all day.
MICAH
Listening | To music really loud on your speaker that Grandma Betty got you for Christmas. You think you are pretty hot stuff.Reading | Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes. And more Calvin and Hobbes. Every day this is your go to and you have a ton of them hidden in your bedsides to read. Every once in a while you throw in a Bernstein Bear or Diary of a Wimpy kid book.
Reminding | Us to do the fun and thoughtful in life. Like putting notes in people's lunches or to jump on the trampoline even if it is cold out and I have too much to do.
Watching | Phineas and Ferb, Garfield, and other random movies that you find on Netflix. You love watching on your "laptop" (code for Kindle with a keyboard).
Practicing | Both basketball and swimming. You surprised us with wanting to play basketball this winter and we told you that you still needed to do swimming. It is a lot but you are a trooper and eat on the run every Tuesday and Thursday.
JEREMY
Planning | For 2 new classes. For excellence. For knowing that it is a lot right now but it will pay off. This is the time where you have to push through in work and it is ok that it is a lot. You are planning the basement plan for the bathroom and the next bedroom. For when our You are looking ahead and I
Investing | In your health like a rockstar. You are getting up for the 5 am spinning class 3 times a week. Faithfully. I am so proud and glad you a going back to cycling. It has always been your thing.
Coaching| Aidan's basketball team. The team that has dominated and you have had to learn how to teach kid's sportsmanship. Totally awesome watching you from the sidelines.
Reading/Listening | To Dave Ramsey radio every morning. To books on leadership. Your communication book. Your Webdesign book. And USA Today for the news. And of course on how to fix the newest problem on the van (the power-steering pump). You are well-rounded and I appreciate/envy that.
Investing | In our financial future, our boys, our marriage, and what matters. I always have and always will appreciate your example to us.
RACH
Planning | For homemade meals. For school instruction, for conferences, and PARCC testing. For the next day each night...making lunches, coffee, and packing clothes for going to the gym. Seriously spend a lot of time in the planning stage each week. Ready for the summer mode of getting to take a break from the daily intense planning stage.Reflecting | On what to fill my time with. The moments in-between add up to a lot. Wanting to make sure I am using them for both body, mind, and spirit.
Making Space/Grace | For leaving my clothes on the floor, my tests ungraded, and art. Art always is worth taking time for.
Listening | To less noise and more silence. To my boys as I tuck them in at night.
Remembering | That my life is a gift. A privilege. I get to live it each day. (And that I still really like having green hair.)
US
Watching | Parenthood end and actually feeling a loss. This was our show and our characters. Now we are doing That 70s show series. We finished up Frasier a while back. We always need to have a show that we are in the middle of.
Drinking | Tea, wine, and chocolate Almond milk. These are our things we do together and I love it.
Discussing | The upcoming week. Who is picking up the kids, when we are working out, and when to "punt" and when to "throw the touchdown". Our summer plans. What car we should save for. How to finish the basement. And sometimes just with a glass of wine while sitting at the fireplace for hours.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
#5 "S" 'Inconvenient but worth it'
Been thinking a lot about this phrase in the last day. After reading this article about ditching the smart phone. ( http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-frazier/in-defense-of-inconvenien_b_6693588.html )
Inconvenient but worth it.
Because I think pretty much every since thing I think of can fall into that category.
Watching a movie with your kids when you have a ton to do.
Making a homemade meal instead of eating out.
Creating and grading a Unit Test that is standards based and reflects the whole of student's learning.
Shoveling the driveway.
Having kids.
Doing the laundry.
Being kind.
Getting up at 5 am to go the gym.
Going camping.
Living life deep.
Seriously this is the mantra of life. None of this life is convenient because I don't think that is what God created this life for. He created it to be a heck of lot more fun, more full, and filled with the rigamaroll that comes with all of the messy life we life every day.
I think I'm going to embrace this more than ever. I think I'm going to remember that the goal of life isn't to be a wimp and live in comfort. It's just like Dead Poet Society said, "live deep". Deep definitely isn't convenient, but it's worth it.
Inconvenient but worth it.
Because I think pretty much every since thing I think of can fall into that category.
Watching a movie with your kids when you have a ton to do.
Making a homemade meal instead of eating out.
Creating and grading a Unit Test that is standards based and reflects the whole of student's learning.
Shoveling the driveway.
Having kids.
Doing the laundry.
Being kind.
Getting up at 5 am to go the gym.
Going camping.
Living life deep.
Seriously this is the mantra of life. None of this life is convenient because I don't think that is what God created this life for. He created it to be a heck of lot more fun, more full, and filled with the rigamaroll that comes with all of the messy life we life every day.
I think I'm going to embrace this more than ever. I think I'm going to remember that the goal of life isn't to be a wimp and live in comfort. It's just like Dead Poet Society said, "live deep". Deep definitely isn't convenient, but it's worth it.
Monday, February 16, 2015
#4 S "Lego Pizza"
Ugh parenting. Ahh nothing like your boy telling you the story of what really happened to remind you to seek understanding before responding.
I see Micah walking down the hall to go to Aidan's room instead of being in his room.
I hear bickering.
I respond with telling them to both just go to bed.
Story goes...Micah overheard that Aidan was disappointed that he didn't get to go to pick a brick so he GAVE him the piece that Aidan wanted (a Lego Pizza). Micah then offers to help Aidan clean his room. Aidan then is grumpy that Micah is still in his room and gives him a face. Micah slaps Aidan and that's when mom overhears all the ruckus ASSUMING the worst of EVERYONE.
Ugh parenting. Ugh the reminder that we all long to be understood. Ugh the reality that we all make mistakes. Ugh the irony that when Micah had hoped to give Aidan a gift it turned into a messy, everybody is crabby at everybody situation. And the ugly reminder that even with the purest of hearts we can end slapping somebody...and then get 'busted' for being seen out of our room when we really are supposed to be getting ready for bed.
I needed that reminder today. I don't like these reminders but these are the ones that remind you of the importance of looking beyond what you SEE and what you HEAR to what is truth.
The truth is we all long to give our "Lego Pizzas" to others. The truth is we all screw up. The truth is God loves us what a deeper love than I remember sometimes. He loves ALL of us. He busts us all the time and yet draws us in and listens to us start out just like Micah did for me tonight when I went to lay with him in bed.
"So mom...the story is..."
Tell Him. He knows anyway. He just loves to have us draw near to Him.
I see Micah walking down the hall to go to Aidan's room instead of being in his room.
I hear bickering.
I respond with telling them to both just go to bed.
Story goes...Micah overheard that Aidan was disappointed that he didn't get to go to pick a brick so he GAVE him the piece that Aidan wanted (a Lego Pizza). Micah then offers to help Aidan clean his room. Aidan then is grumpy that Micah is still in his room and gives him a face. Micah slaps Aidan and that's when mom overhears all the ruckus ASSUMING the worst of EVERYONE.
Ugh parenting. Ugh the reminder that we all long to be understood. Ugh the reality that we all make mistakes. Ugh the irony that when Micah had hoped to give Aidan a gift it turned into a messy, everybody is crabby at everybody situation. And the ugly reminder that even with the purest of hearts we can end slapping somebody...and then get 'busted' for being seen out of our room when we really are supposed to be getting ready for bed.
I needed that reminder today. I don't like these reminders but these are the ones that remind you of the importance of looking beyond what you SEE and what you HEAR to what is truth.
The truth is we all long to give our "Lego Pizzas" to others. The truth is we all screw up. The truth is God loves us what a deeper love than I remember sometimes. He loves ALL of us. He busts us all the time and yet draws us in and listens to us start out just like Micah did for me tonight when I went to lay with him in bed.
"So mom...the story is..."
Tell Him. He knows anyway. He just loves to have us draw near to Him.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
#3 "S" Take it From Here...
I don't want to be intentional and reflective right now. I don't want to recognize the awesome parallels and lessons I learned from being a parent this weekend and being a child of God. I don't want to prepare for my week of teaching. I don't want to make meals and do laundry.
I want to be selfish. I want to make a campfire and drink beer. I want to sleep in and ignore responsibilities. I want to have my kids realize how much we sacrifice for them and have them. I want to go on a vacation and just be.
I think I just want grace. And I think I need to have it so I can give it. I think that we all long for that place of just going "The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. He leads me beside quiet waters he restores my soul." We want the promises that only our God can deliver on.
That is the cry that we all get. It doesn't matter if we are 2 or 22 or 102. It doesn't matter if we are a mama or a teacher. It doesn't matter if it is February or July. It just matters that we have that place we can go to and say, "I'm wiped. Can you take it from here?"
And so that's my Selah right now. That's how I am going to move from a place of wanting to get credit for all my hard work and what I have coming to me and instead rest in the promise that He is the restorer, not me. He is the One that gives grace. He is the One who created me for this exact moment with these exact needs. This doesn't come as a surprise to Him. The surprise is why I think I can do it without Him.
I can, it just looks a lot uglier. I am a lot more impatient. I want it to be all about me when I do it on my own. Interruptions are so frustrating.When I'm in that place I am not who I want to become. As I learned last year those moments can turn into days and into months and years. I want those moments to turn into something beautiful, not the ugly that I do on my own.
I want to welcome others in. I want to have calm waters. And I truly just want to trust in that peace. Not because everything around me has settled down but because I am being led by the One that can take it from here.
Take it from here. What sweet words to rest in.
I want to be selfish. I want to make a campfire and drink beer. I want to sleep in and ignore responsibilities. I want to have my kids realize how much we sacrifice for them and have them. I want to go on a vacation and just be.
I think I just want grace. And I think I need to have it so I can give it. I think that we all long for that place of just going "The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. He leads me beside quiet waters he restores my soul." We want the promises that only our God can deliver on.
That is the cry that we all get. It doesn't matter if we are 2 or 22 or 102. It doesn't matter if we are a mama or a teacher. It doesn't matter if it is February or July. It just matters that we have that place we can go to and say, "I'm wiped. Can you take it from here?"
And so that's my Selah right now. That's how I am going to move from a place of wanting to get credit for all my hard work and what I have coming to me and instead rest in the promise that He is the restorer, not me. He is the One that gives grace. He is the One who created me for this exact moment with these exact needs. This doesn't come as a surprise to Him. The surprise is why I think I can do it without Him.
I can, it just looks a lot uglier. I am a lot more impatient. I want it to be all about me when I do it on my own. Interruptions are so frustrating.When I'm in that place I am not who I want to become. As I learned last year those moments can turn into days and into months and years. I want those moments to turn into something beautiful, not the ugly that I do on my own.
I want to welcome others in. I want to have calm waters. And I truly just want to trust in that peace. Not because everything around me has settled down but because I am being led by the One that can take it from here.
Take it from here. What sweet words to rest in.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
#2 "S" Entrusted.
15 minutes till Micah's birthday party starts and after reading through my really old blog posts from years ago I found this is what I want to truly be investing in. Telling the stories of our lives rather than always spending my in-between time reading about other people's lives. Which is ironic I know because if anybody reads this they are reading about my life...all about balance. Right now I know I just am off balance, and so I am intentionally stopping to pause and look at the gifts that God has entrusted to me. Entrusted, such a great word as we take time to celebrate birthdays. Such a great reminder that our children are only with us for such a short time. We are entrusted with them and then we send them off. Entrusted is awesome and scary all at the same time.
So I want to remember from Aidan's 11th birthday party...
And there's the doorbell.
So I want to remember from Aidan's 11th birthday party...
- How much fun they had making ice-cream cones at Sweet Tomatoes.
- How we lost tons of the Nerf gun bullets at the park but had fun anyway.
- How when I went into the living room I found boy socks everywhere and realized my boy is just like all these other crazy boys.
- How Aidan took leadership in trying to help his friends go to sleep and not get in trouble.
- How they made a bracket for the Madden playoffs. So him and yet everybody loved it.
- How it is such a good thing we have a basketball hoop, a trampoline, and an x-box. I'm so glad that this what what they can get together and do. Buying this stuff is more than just having stuff.
- How much he fit in.
And there's the doorbell.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
#1"S"-2015 The Little is the Big
I'm continuing on this journey of reflecting and blogging my word for the year here. Trying to simply more in life, and having a place to go to and process is a valuable thing. So instead of trying to do something new, I'm going to stick with what works...crazy idea I know.
So here's to continuing to become more of who God made me to be in 2015.
..........
Was hoping for some big amazing revelation once 2015 hit and I had my word for the year..."Selah". Was hoping I had "arrived" and found that this is going to change me instantly on how I respond in life. Yeah. I should know better by now. I should know that the whole idea of 'to stop and think' is in itself a process.
Was hoping I had some big story to share about how my word helped me respond. But I think I have learned that it's the little things that make a difference. It's the helping Micah rebuild his batcave Lego because it is important to him. It is coming into his room and playing pretend restaurant with him because it shows that I value him. It is in bringing Aidan pancakes in bed this morning because I know that makes him feel special. Those things. The moments you might have otherwise missed because they only take about 2 minutes more of your time so you think they are "no big deal". But I think they are the biggest deal of all.
"Make it a big deal." Honor the little and make it big.
That's my big/little revelation.
So here's to continuing to become more of who God made me to be in 2015.
..........
Was hoping for some big amazing revelation once 2015 hit and I had my word for the year..."Selah". Was hoping I had "arrived" and found that this is going to change me instantly on how I respond in life. Yeah. I should know better by now. I should know that the whole idea of 'to stop and think' is in itself a process.
Was hoping I had some big story to share about how my word helped me respond. But I think I have learned that it's the little things that make a difference. It's the helping Micah rebuild his batcave Lego because it is important to him. It is coming into his room and playing pretend restaurant with him because it shows that I value him. It is in bringing Aidan pancakes in bed this morning because I know that makes him feel special. Those things. The moments you might have otherwise missed because they only take about 2 minutes more of your time so you think they are "no big deal". But I think they are the biggest deal of all.
"Make it a big deal." Honor the little and make it big.
That's my big/little revelation.
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