My fall has been filled with more busy than ever, but I have stopped to capture life in notes when I can. And I am so thankful I did. Because now I can look back and see the work that God is doing...and in the life He has blessed me with. So, although I was "way behind" (which I never actually believe is possible...there is no such thing as being behind...there is just life...and no matter when you capture it...it is good for the heart to reflect). So here are my thoughts...the mushy, the honest, the easy, the hard, the busy, the honest...
8-17-2017
Mushy mom post...so as my kids get older I have tried really hard to honor social media for them and not embarrass or overshare. But every once I know I need to let the world know how awesome I think they are and how I feel about them. Last night while they were at youth group I went in their rooms and made their beds and you know did the "mom thing" that moms do in their kids rooms, and I stopped and cried. Not because I don't want them to grow up...I do. Not because I miss them and don't have the time with them that I used to...I don't. But because their mine. In the whole wide world of kids...these are the ones God has chosen for me. I know them. They drive me crazy. They make me laugh. In the end, they make me a better me. And when you have people like that in your life you stop and have a cry every once in a while because you are so thankful.
8-17-2017
Mushy mom post...so as my kids get older I have tried really hard to honor social media for them and not embarrass or overshare. But every once I know I need to let the world know how awesome I think they are and how I feel about them. Last night while they were at youth group I went in their rooms and made their beds and you know did the "mom thing" that moms do in their kids rooms, and I stopped and cried. Not because I don't want them to grow up...I do. Not because I miss them and don't have the time with them that I used to...I don't. But because their mine. In the whole wide world of kids...these are the ones God has chosen for me. I know them. They drive me crazy. They make me laugh. In the end, they make me a better me. And when you have people like that in your life you stop and have a cry every once in a while because you are so thankful.
9-27-2017
So, I'm not a watch a tv or Netflix series type of girl. I've tried, but when I'm honest I love movies. And for whatever reason I love the ones that are deep...the ones that tug your heart and make you cheer and cry. You know those ones.
But I can't sit down and watch a whole movie at once because most of the time I only a snip of time. And so that's what I have been doing, and it's such a different way to watch a movie than from beginning to end. And it's been so good for my soul.
Here's why. Sometimes I have to pause the movie when the character has lost hope. Sometimes when I'm at a pause, I end up thinking about what I hope is going to happen next.
It gives me hope. Not because I am at the end of the story but because when I pause "Pursuit of Happyness" and he's had to sleep in the bathroom in the subway for the night, or he has $14 to live on for the month, I know the story doesn't end there.
And that is so true of our own lives too. Sometimes if we hit "pause" and look around we might wonder where is the hope? What is next in the story? And then we get to hit "play" again and we get glimpses of it. We realize we have the amazing privilege of a new day. We get to love our husband and kids better than we did yesterday. We get to be on an airplane and fly over the clouds, and go be with family to celebrate a life well lived by an 87 year old together. We get to breathe. We get to stop at have lunch with our teenage son and just sit and talk face to face.
Just like movies, our story is so much more than just the moment we hit pause. It's all of it. And thank Jesus that our stories aren't over yet.
And so I am thankful for my crazy snips I can learn from, both in movies and in my life. And let this be the reminder to be true to who you are, and have your eyes open to what God is trying to teach you in it.
10-15-2017
Ahh weekend life...I wanted to complain about how I spent the majority of my weekend working at a swim meet, but after a heart check I was reminded that these weekends that feel exhausting are what give us depth of life. My ‘on this day’ from the past years was filled with swim meets, slurpees, and Speech day celebrations. And this weekend despite ‘no time’ we had date night, coffee on the porch, a campfire, time with family, and yoga. We are blessed...we might be tired and not have our laundry or grading done. But it is ok.
Ahh weekend life...I wanted to complain about how I spent the majority of my weekend working at a swim meet, but after a heart check I was reminded that these weekends that feel exhausting are what give us depth of life. My ‘on this day’ from the past years was filled with swim meets, slurpees, and Speech day celebrations. And this weekend despite ‘no time’ we had date night, coffee on the porch, a campfire, time with family, and yoga. We are blessed...we might be tired and not have our laundry or grading done. But it is ok.
10-19-2017
I’ve been reading “Present Over Perfect” this last year and as I read the chapter today titled ‘On Jesus’, I couldn’t help but realize how our discussion this week about attachment and our faith aligned perfectly.
I too have walked this path of finding wholeness in Jesus over performance. I know that our attachment to Him will allow us to ‘shed’ all of those other attachments and heal past wounds and hurts. I know we can find hope, and even when we have reasons why we have attachment issues we can find transformation in Christ.
Anyone else relate? Or have stories or verses to share in regards to this? Hoping this encourages you, I know it did for me. (Great read by the way, if you have time).
10-21-2017
October 21st, 2016
Right now.
Right now I’m riding in a bus on my way to Mount Vernon and The Sun is pouring in while I’ll being filled with Worship music.
Right now I miss my boys and wish I could have them next to me and cuddle up.
Right now I know that Jesus in me gives me a spirit to love when all else in me wants to live for me. He’s changed me and gives me more to give away.
Right now I believe God is good.
Right now Jeremy is taking Micah to swim practice and I feel more grateful than ever.
Right now I believe that I don’t have to fight, I can trust and live without fear.
Right now I know that I can move or I can stay and we will thrive either way because who we are won’t change. We have love. We have Jesus.
Right now I am thankful for trees and wish we had more by us.
Right now I’m not worried about all that I need to do, I’m Present...physically and mentally.
Right now it is 7:49 am in Virginia and I am riding on a bus looking out the window at the sunshine, trees, and water......................
Right now it’s 9:23 pm and I’m riding in a bus again. I’m wanting my own space, some wine, and to sleep. But it’s ok...I know it will come. I know it was good to miss all that which I slowly take for granted when I have it day after day. I’m growing in the process, being ok with everything not being what I want in the exact moment I’m in.
Right now Aidan is playing basketball and I’m missing it.
Right now my students are singing along to All Star while I’m trying to listen to my own music and so I let go and I am just letting it make me smile that they are still this innocent and I can enjoy it.
Right now I’m really wanting my own food.
Right now I know why I said yes to coming back to DC. even though I’ve been here already. Because there are stories behind every memorial, behind every war, every news story. And they remind me to get to know everyone’s story. They remind me to be crazy grateful for my story. They remind me that we all come together in our brokenness and desire for hope.
..............
Right now.It’s 8:02 am, back on the bus and sun is still pouring in.
Right now I’m reminded why I got married at 18, when everything in me tries to prove I’m independent. Because just because I can figure it out, doesn’t mean it’s best. And Jeremy has given me so much better in life than life independently. He helps me live the line from Hitch, “what if fine isn’t good enough?”. And I want more than fine in my life. He gives me more.
Right now I want to find the right attitude and choices on how to handle being so tired and so grateful at the same time.
Right now I’m wondering how I’m going to make it tomorrow, and yet not worrying about it at the same time.
Right now I’m wondering how to do today well so I can do the next day well and the day after that...and the day after that.
11-20-2017
He’s been asking for months. He wanted to go say hi to his old teachers at Montessori. And truth is it’s not convenient, at all. To try to get him and get to the school before 3 meant I was going to have to make a sacrifice and give up some planning. So I did. I left work early and surprised him, only to find out he surprised me. After he went around and said hi to his teachers i couldn’t find where he disappeared to. So I made my best possible guess and headed down to Miss Jennifer’s to find him there writing a heartfelt note to her. I couldn’t help but peak at it and as I did I was reminded why I gave up my planning today. Because it always gets done, because there never is a convenient time to be inconvenienced. But to invest in what matters. There is always time for that. Time to tell people how special they are. Time to leave notes for people. Time to stop what has to be done to invest in that which is good for the heart and soul. He is my reminder of that more than I know. And I am so thankful for the gift that “selah”...to stop and listen that Micah reminds me of then my logical side tries to win.
October 21st, 2016
Right now.
Right now I’m riding in a bus on my way to Mount Vernon and The Sun is pouring in while I’ll being filled with Worship music.
Right now I miss my boys and wish I could have them next to me and cuddle up.
Right now I know that Jesus in me gives me a spirit to love when all else in me wants to live for me. He’s changed me and gives me more to give away.
Right now I believe God is good.
Right now Jeremy is taking Micah to swim practice and I feel more grateful than ever.
Right now I believe that I don’t have to fight, I can trust and live without fear.
Right now I know that I can move or I can stay and we will thrive either way because who we are won’t change. We have love. We have Jesus.
Right now I am thankful for trees and wish we had more by us.
Right now I’m not worried about all that I need to do, I’m Present...physically and mentally.
Right now it is 7:49 am in Virginia and I am riding on a bus looking out the window at the sunshine, trees, and water......................
Right now it’s 9:23 pm and I’m riding in a bus again. I’m wanting my own space, some wine, and to sleep. But it’s ok...I know it will come. I know it was good to miss all that which I slowly take for granted when I have it day after day. I’m growing in the process, being ok with everything not being what I want in the exact moment I’m in.
Right now Aidan is playing basketball and I’m missing it.
Right now my students are singing along to All Star while I’m trying to listen to my own music and so I let go and I am just letting it make me smile that they are still this innocent and I can enjoy it.
Right now I’m really wanting my own food.
Right now I know why I said yes to coming back to DC. even though I’ve been here already. Because there are stories behind every memorial, behind every war, every news story. And they remind me to get to know everyone’s story. They remind me to be crazy grateful for my story. They remind me that we all come together in our brokenness and desire for hope.
..............
Right now.It’s 8:02 am, back on the bus and sun is still pouring in.
Right now I’m reminded why I got married at 18, when everything in me tries to prove I’m independent. Because just because I can figure it out, doesn’t mean it’s best. And Jeremy has given me so much better in life than life independently. He helps me live the line from Hitch, “what if fine isn’t good enough?”. And I want more than fine in my life. He gives me more.
Right now I want to find the right attitude and choices on how to handle being so tired and so grateful at the same time.
Right now I’m wondering how I’m going to make it tomorrow, and yet not worrying about it at the same time.
Right now I’m wondering how to do today well so I can do the next day well and the day after that...and the day after that.
11-20-2017
He’s been asking for months. He wanted to go say hi to his old teachers at Montessori. And truth is it’s not convenient, at all. To try to get him and get to the school before 3 meant I was going to have to make a sacrifice and give up some planning. So I did. I left work early and surprised him, only to find out he surprised me. After he went around and said hi to his teachers i couldn’t find where he disappeared to. So I made my best possible guess and headed down to Miss Jennifer’s to find him there writing a heartfelt note to her. I couldn’t help but peak at it and as I did I was reminded why I gave up my planning today. Because it always gets done, because there never is a convenient time to be inconvenienced. But to invest in what matters. There is always time for that. Time to tell people how special they are. Time to leave notes for people. Time to stop what has to be done to invest in that which is good for the heart and soul. He is my reminder of that more than I know. And I am so thankful for the gift that “selah”...to stop and listen that Micah reminds me of then my logical side tries to win.
