"5" To What Degree Should I freak out?

Irony. I'm sitting here waiting in the airport after scrambling like crazy for the last 3 days to get to this point. I have watched Fixer Upper. I have ate my lasgana. And if it wasn't for needing to charge my computer I would be sitting and having a beer.

But instead I am in some hallway using a charger and just being. Just being for the first time in way too long. Just being instead of grading or maximizing or doing something I don't really want to do but do anyway. 

And my favorite point of all of this was when I talked to Denise last night and my first word to her was "I'm trying to figure out to what degree I should freak out" and her response was "None...you shouldn't have any degree of freak out". Oh yeah right...so 34% isn't the right response?

We thrive in that place though. We thrive in being overwhelmed and trying to get it all done. Or do we? Not only has this week taught me the huge amount I take on every week but how to waste time by watching Fixer Upper or coloring. Yep. That's right I just wrote waste I learned how to waste time better this week, by doing what I really want to do.

I want to write more so I am right now.
I want to create more so when I have pockets of time I am.
I want to unwind before 10 pm at night so I am.

And you know what? I am finding that when I do more of life intentionally I do less of life unintentionally. Obviously. But yet so essential to who I want to be.

And so I am inspired  to open up my computer and write instead of consume. It inspired me to think about my ideal day. So here it goes...love that the when doesn't matter.

• Home/Health 
• 8 hours of good healthy sleep
• No plastic food mindlessly.
• 45 minutes of active/Some with others some with myself
• After school snack shake
• Dinner intentionally
• Running or walking with Jeremy for 30 minutes (usually at night)

• Boys/Quality Time
• Growing my boys through reading, doing homework, intentional projects
• Bedtime Micah-10 minutes
• Beditme  Aidan-10 minutes
• Spirit
• 20 minutes of scrapbooking, journaling or creating alone. 
• Watching a series or movie with Jeremy or talking before bed

• Work-
• Teaching/During teaching hours
• 20 Minutes prep/grading  uninterrupted-
• 15 minutes collaborating

#4 "E" Hot Diggie Dog..

Holy Smokes.

Lots of trusting is happening around here.

I thought when I journaled back on January 24th I had some growing to do. Today I have more trusting to do than I did before. But I think that's what this life is. MORE. Depth. Growing. Process. All in. That's what we all want right? Just not the pain to get there. That's what Donald Miller says so eloquently in Million Miles in A Thousand Years. I'm just in the straight up application of it right now.

So here we go. Again. With depth.

To entrust that..

This whole basketball club team will work out for Aidan. And it will be good. And we can still go to Disney and Fort and travel. 
 
To entrust that..

Summer. That in itself is my greatest fear and struggle right now.

To entrust that..

My job. Hot diggie dog. That's all I can say. This is a biggie. This is a "God what are you seriously up to?!"

 To entrust that..

Someday we can sell the house and travel and have a sailboat and live simply.

 
To entrust that..

We are molding and shaping our boys into Godly men and that sacrifice is what it is all about right now. And that joy is what is all about. 

To entrust that..

God has it. Whatever my it is...my need for new vibrams, desire to run, wanting to live less selfishly but then struggling when that becomes a reality...

To entrust all of it. Not just my todays and yesterdays but my tomorrows. Yikes.But one thing I know for sure you can't entrust your life to somebody you don't know. So God help me know you in all this. Relationship and entrust go hand and hand.

Depth. More.