#5- To the tune of "Little by little in Every Day..."

So how do you become more patient?

Let me tell you how you don't first...

You don't react in the flesh.
You don't assume you know anything about the situation.
You don't get emotionally involved beyond the situation.
You don't act in ways that you have to apologize for later.

Tonight. 2 stories. One with apologies, one without.

#1-Micah is at swim practice and he comes to me upset. Visually upset, which eventually turns to tears. Everything in me wanted to do 2 things. #1-Take my ball and go home. #2-Tell of the stupid teenager coach who I have never liked. She yells. She doesn't understand Micah's personality. She tells him he is the problem when I know he isn't. I talk to Micah. I talk to her. I seek understanding. Check box #1...not reacting and instead finding out what the situation is. That my friends is patience. No apologies, I reacted in kindness and patience and Micah ended with swimming a 50 and on the up. I will talk to the head coach tomorrow so that I can bring some resolution to all that happened.

#2-I'm on the phone talking to my dad. Boys are starting to make lunches. All heck breaks loose. They are massively screwing around and Aidan throws Micah's lunchbox and I get ticked. I start yelling from upstairs. Then I come down and find out Aidan is mimicking me under his breath. So I react. I try to get his attention and turn him towards me and he gets more frustrated. I get more frustrated. And by this time something so small has turned into an emotional disaster. Why? Because I reacted in the flesh.  I assumed the worst out of him. I assumed he wanted to be silly to frustrate and upset me and disobey. Really he just was responding out of immaturity. The same thing that I responded to an hour earlier like a rockstar. Not this time. We made the best of it and he said he was overtired and wanted to go to bed. I think truly that was the heart of it all along. He was tired. I was still frustrated from swim practice and responded to that.

Bit by bit. You become.

And then tonight I tucked my overtired son in and sang him a song from when I was a kid with the words, "He's changing me...my precious Jesus...I'm not the same person that I used to be...it's been slow going but now I'm knowing that someday perfect I will be. Little by little in every day...little by little in every way...He's changing me. He's changing me..."

For real. Those were the words that came to me tonight. And for real He's changing me. I might apologize through it. But I'm thankful that His spirit is working in me. His spirit is helping me become more of not only who I want to be but who He created me to be. A loving, patient, and real person.

#4- It's in the putting away the grocery cart and the waterfoutain type stuff...

Nothing magical I am going to share in this post. Nothing ground breaking. No great a-ha moments. Rather I am finding my word is changing me in the little stuff right now.

And that is just what I need it to do.

I want to be the person who gets out of the way for people to use the water fountain at the gym while you fill up your water bottle.

I want to be the person who puts my grocery cart away in the parking lot.

I want to be the person who when somebody drops something you pick it up for them.

I want to be the person who asks somebody how they are doing because you remember that a few weeks ago they were having back pain.

I want to be the person who doesn't ask people if they need help...you just take action in the moment because you are aware.  

I want to be the person who remembers to text my husband when I am out for the night that I am back at the hotel safe.

I want to be the person who is aware and thoughtful. I want to look beyond myself. And I think I have found that those little things are what create you into an overall aware person. Of others' thoughts, feelings, and needs. I can't just think that big change will happen in my heart without the little changes.

So yeah, maybe it is more ground breaking in my life that I knew. Maybe all these little things that I do will help me become more of the compassionate person that I long to be.

And right now it will just start by helping my son find the Lego that he can't find. Because he was being thoughtful and shared his Legos with his cousin. As always...I can learn from my kids and their big hearts towards others.

Go.

#3-"Unbecoming"

This is the post you don't want to write. This is the post that is the opposite of the FB showcase. This is the post that must be written for growth to happen.

So here it is.

I was talking to my cousin the other day about my word and we were joking around about if it is possible to unbecome something. Like what about the stuff in your life that you want to get rid of that is not who you want to become. And she said "unbecome is a word...like you look unbecoming in that dress...you know it doesn't look good". And we laughed some more about how that isn't really what I am shooting for to be ugly. And then I hung up the phone and didn't think more of it until today.

When I looked at how my selfish and uncontent attitude that has been creeping up lately is really unbecoming. And I know I need to fight it. I have been home for the last two weeks which means I have the oppourtunity be reminded more than usual that I don't have new blinds for the house. And I don't have the pictures I want on the walls. And I don't have coffee tables. And I haven't gone skiing or to Toyko or anywhere else that everyone (yes, everyone!) has gone over break. I only went to Texas. Poor me.

So I focused on it more and more. I looked online for new coffee tables. I looked at Ikea. I whined. And it became more and more unbecoming.

And so today after church I decided to "change my clothes". I walked out of church and said, "you guys ready to go sledding?" And so we came home...used what we had (I don't have NorthFace Ski pants...gasp! And Aidan's ski pants were too small so I gave him mine and wore my mom's pants from 1992...literally.) And guess what? It was much more of who I want to become. It was much more becoming to sled down the hill in my old pants laughing and having a grand time with my kids than sitting on Google trying to search for coffee tables that really don't exist anyway.

And we broke the sled. And laughed. And went to Starbucks with the giftcard that we had. And came home and shoveled the driveway together. And the picture we "painted" of today captured more of what I want to become. What I want my boys to become. What God wants us to become.

And I thought...this battle of unbecoming isn't as hard to fight as I thought. It just takes action. Fighting action that God has equipped us with all along.

The battle of contentment is worth fighting for. I will fight. Again and again. And. Again.