So...
On August 9th of 2015 I posted that there was 23 hours and 50 minutes till I go back to work. And now it's another summer of lessons learned and there is always more to say...
On August 10th of 2016 at 12:10 am in the morning I couldn't sleep. I had 55 hours and 48 minutes until I had go back and every time I faced this moment I realize the gift that time is. Whether it is is 10 minutes or 24 hours. Or 6 days or 3 years. It's all a gift.
On August 11, 2017 at 10:01 on Friday night and I could hear the rustling of Aidan playing Legos, I'm was waiting for Micah to get home from being out with friends and Jeremy and I just got back from date #3987 of the summer...out on the patio at Lucha by Clemet park.
On August 10th, 2018 at 2:42 on my last Friday afternoon of Summer Break I spent the morning shoveling dirt. For real. And it was ok. It was just a reminder of how time is a gift no matter what you are doing and so as Jeremy and Micah are at the dump I am reflecting so I don't miss it.
And this is my favorite way to remember the gift of summer and the gift of time.
Do I say that this summer was amazing, and tough, and fun, and hard, and messy, and healing, and so many more emotions and experiences than I can ever imagine a summer being?
Do I say that sometimes love is laying on the front lawn while the adhesive dries so you can do another coat in a few hours and that is the love that you know is real and deep and is so much more important than the write notes and go on dates love?
Do I say that getting the letter from Aidan at lab gave me hope that he is going to thrive...even though I know he will hit tough spots and lows and struggles...that hope. I will always remember.
Do I say...
That this says it all that I started this and didn't get a chance to finish it. So here I go again 14 days later because if there is anything I know it's that fighting to remember your memories is so worth it...
Do I say that going to New York again gave us a chance to go deeper than I thought we could and experience the city on bikes, and with new views and new restaurants...while still revisiting some of the amazing gifts the city has to offer like pizza...Little Italy...and Central Park.
Do I say that the camper didn't have to define our summer and that we can use experiences like that to grow rather than define?
Do I say that I miss going to the pool and playing with my kids in the summer like we used to because they are making their own lives more and more and so when they asked me to play on the raft at Grandpa Bob's the answer is heck to the yes.
Do I say that I am learning that my birthday doesn't mean the world stops for me all day or all week...but instead it is just an extension of the gifts and choices that I get to make every day?
Do I say that messing up the time on Wicked was one of the toughest mistakes to swallow and I am learning that I make mistakes like that and like having the kayaks fly off the car and lots of other failures that remind me that being human is ok.
Do I say that dancing in the rain at Nate's shop and then seeing the double rainbows was the visual reminder of God's mercy, love, grace, and laughter.
Do I say that going to the the island on Black Lake was like a secret discovery that I never knew was there all along?
Do I say that I can remember too much conflict over that which never should have been until we finally just said enough is enough and it was so freeing to start over and feel the grace that God gives us every day that we need to extend to each other.
Do I say that I lose sight of how much of a gift summer is until school starts again and it is such a struggle to make Dr. appointments, meet up with friends, and sleep in...and I want to remember when I am in the middle of it that it is SO AWESOME to NOT HAVE TO MAKE A LUNCH EVERY DAY the night before. Remember that.
Do I say that when I biked in NY I found a new level of facing my fears that I needed to face and that sometimes the only way through something is literally through it...and sometimes that means biking in NY rush hour?
Do I say that going to Virginia to the Lego convention was a great way to experience that which is so important to my boys and seeing the world through their lens?
Do I say that Aidan have his bike stolen was so tough and yet so important to face in life and learn from.
Do I say that Micah swam so little and in the end. It was so ok. Because you can't ever get back time with family or experiences. So ok.
Do I say that I wish I would have eaten better and slept more but honestly learning how to live life more in trust means I trust these areas because again. It is ok.
Do I say that allowing for space for people to fail is something we all are learning a little more each day?
Do I say that drawing, watercolor, journaling, meeting friends at a breakfast dive, kayaking, going to the pool...is all what I forget to do once school starts and man it is so good for the soul to make time for this.
Do I say that being part of the Breathe Bible Study was just what I needed at that exact moment in my life...especially the part where I needed to admit I couldn't come and I needed to stay home and help Jeremy with the camper?
Do I say that sailing at Fort is so stinking fun? And I actually might figure out how to sail someday after all?
Do I say that it is ok that I didn't swim across the lake every day at Fort this summer but the days I did I enjoyed and was all the more thankful for it?
Do I say that I am learning that so much is a gift and I catch myself so entitled sometimes?
Do I say that summer is going to have ups and downs and the more I live life and have summers off I realize that sometimes we need to have summers like this one in which we refine a lot more by learning it the hard way?
Or do I say that all in all I can trust that joy is not in the circumstances but in the response. In the heart. And I want to truly live with joy even on the days when...
...kayaks fly, bikes are stolen, campers are water damaged, I didn't get sleep, and life wears you out.
Because man if we focus on all that we will miss all that God truly wants for us.
Joy.
In.
Our.
Heart.
That will not be shaken.
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