#15- What I say...what what they say

As I went to title this post I couldn't even think of how to capture all that I want to say.

I want to say that I am beyond thankful for a day home with Micah even though it was the result of being in the ER with him last night.

I want to say that taking off a day today was no big deal  and I don't need a "mom badge" for doing so. I feel like I got the "win" by being home. I feel like last night when we were at the hospital I knew that being home today was exactly what I needed and God knew too.

I want to say that I am not only older, but so much wiser. I feel like this year I "get it" more than ever. I get what is important. I get that what I do contributes to who I want to be each day. I get that when I put away the shopping carts in the parking lots I am doing more than putting away shopping carts...I am becoming more of that person. That person that isn't so self absorbed. I get that some days I will take care of Jeremy and some days he will take care of me. It's not a game at all. It's a life together that is made up of the whole...not the pieces.

I want to say that when you go into a week all prepared and then stuff like last night happens...you just punt. And that is ok.

I want to say that my homework systems are driving me crazy. They suck and need to change. And that is ok.

Life isn't about having it all figured out. Nothing like a son with an unknown allergy to let you know that. But I'm pretty sure it is about having trust in the One who does. Pretty sure that I am a so much closer to that than I was on that earlier this year. For sure I'm closer today than I  was in the last 20 years, maybe even more than last week...or yesterday.

And that is who I want to be.

Closer.
Each.
Day.

I want to say that when I reach the end of this gift of life that God has given me...I hope my life reflects that. I hope what others say is that the pieces of my messed up life, when put together made sense of the whole. The whole that screams Philipians 1:6 a little bit louder...


He who began a good work in you...is faithful to complete it. He. Will. Complete. It. That's a promise I can't just skim over. There are times I will punt. There are times that what you  thought would work, doesn't. There are times when I will be going the wrong direction. But I know that there are times when touchdowns are thrown. There are times when games are won in the last quarter. And those are the games that are talked about in life.

And I darn well know that when I reach the end of the day and I tell my 10 year old son that it is time for bed and he responds " ok mom, but can we keep talking? " that I have completed so much more than a first down. I know that I have invested in what is important for that day.

I want to say that I don't have it figured out.
I still will punt.
I will throw touchdowns.
It is all ok.

What will be talked about of me? That's what I want 'to say" each day.