Yesterday my cousin called me twice. Not that this is unusual, sometimes we talk and/or leave messages several times a day with each other. We have nicknamed our voice mail actual therapy. But the reason I write this is because on the second voice mail she said, "I have nothing to say, I just missed you and was running errands and wanted you to be with me as I did." Love that.
Love that in the last year I have embraced the idea of being. Love that I am sitting here right now with a fireplace going and I've learned the importance of embracing the in-between of life. Love that I grabbed the book "Overcoming Overload" that embraces the idea of how God built us to live a life that we recharge, renew, reflect, revive, relax, and restore. I get it. You don't have to tell me twice that we need to fight for that in our lives. We have chosen our whole careers around that idea. We have chosen to return to our roots for months at a time. And you know what happens when you start to live that way? You keep living that way.
In the past year I have had more campfires than ever. I have had stillness.I have had craziness. I have been mentally refreshed and been mentally a whirlwind. I have held tight. I have let go. I have been compassionate. I have been the queen of stubborn. I have caught myself time and time again realizing what I am saying and how I am acting isn't who I want to become. It's humbling. But sometimes I also catch myself being more of who I do want to be. And I think what the heart of what I have learned in the year of "become" is that there is going to be a lot of junk in me and there is going to be a lot of victory.
Like when you are crabby at the person at the breakfast burrito place because you are stinking hungry, want to be on the road, and you can see your food sitting there waiting for you. Junk.
Like Christmas Eve night when you sing songs to your boy before bed when tucking him in. And after you pray he responds with a prayer of his own from the heart. Victory.
Like when you stop for breakfast after driving through the night and you are tired and an ice storm has hit and you order cinnamon rolls and enjoy time together no matter what. Another victory.
Like when you yell at your husband in Walmart because you are trying to buy jeans for your son and he takes your other son to go look at electronics (to help you out, but instead you assume that he is just leaving you to make your job harder). More junk.
You embrace both. You refine. You reflect. And as I sit here "with nothing to say really" I hope that I continue to embrace both. I hope that I understand it the bit by bit moments and how you respond to them that continue to create who you become. I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep having both failures and victories in life. I'm pretty sure I am going to keep learning.
Pretty sure that is why God does this life with us. Step by step. Bit by bit.
No comments:
Post a Comment