"4" T-Better

I have a lot on my heart right now but as I type I think what I most want to share is this...

I went driving around the other night...I just needed to not be productive for every minute of every day...and so I ended up at the Columbine memorial. And I can across this quote..

"I hope people come to this place to think about how they themselves can be better people rather than come here to reflect on death".

Dang.

Death. I've had to face this early in life. And then this year with a suicide of a boy I never really met, but was friends with so many at our school, it became a lot more real again. And then the person that has caused the most pain in our family dies. And I didn't know how to process it. 

So God brought me the truth that I don't have to reflect on death, but I can instead think about how I can be better because of it. I can be better because of it. I can be better because of it. 

I have a choice. I can allow myself to reflect on how I want to love people. I can reflect on who I want to become. I can reflect on how I want to respond when other's are hurting. 

I can be better because of it. 

I actually believe that truth, because I have already had that seed planted in my life. I know that doesn't mean I don't admit the pain and hurt and sorrow that happens because of death, but I know that death doesn't have to come with only the hurt, pain, and sorrow. I have learned so much from losing my mom at a young age. I believe I have become a better person because of it. 

And I can again. I can even when a person who has caused so much pain to so many people dies. I can choose what to reflect on. And so tonight that is how I am processing and healing. It doesn't mean I have this all figured out and will always know this truth. But I know I want to return to this truth, because God has promised healing, love, and hope. 

Dang.