'6' T Summer 2018 Says...

So...

On August 9th of 2015 I posted that there was 23 hours and 50 minutes till I go back to work. And now it's another summer of lessons learned and there is always more to say...

On August 10th of 2016 at 12:10 am in the morning  I couldn't sleep. I had 55 hours and 48 minutes until I had go back and every time I faced this moment I realize the gift that time is. Whether it is is 10 minutes or 24 hours. Or 6 days or 3 years. It's all a gift.

On August 11, 2017 at 10:01 on Friday night and I could hear the rustling of Aidan playing Legos, I'm was waiting for Micah to get home from being out with friends and Jeremy and I just got back from date #3987 of the summer...out on the patio at Lucha by Clemet park.

Now it's August 10th, 2018 at 2:42 on my last Friday afternoon of Summer Break and I spent the morning shoveling dirt. For real. And it was ok. It was just a reminder of how time is a gift no matter what you are doing and so as Jeremy and Micah are at the dump I am reflecting so I don't miss it.

And this is my favorite way to remember the gift of summer and the gift of time.

So here it goes...

Do I say that I thought this summer was going to be really hard and it turned out to be an incredible blessing...but I was too stubborn to trust what which I could not see until it happened? Do I say that I am growing in this but wow still have so far to go?

Do I say that starting my summer going to Nebraska and make friendship bracelets and play water ballons with Audrey and Daniel was the reminder to play again and not just be productive all the time? Which I still struggle with and wish I could remember more and more in life.

Do I say that going to Utah with Aidan was a gift that I didn't expect especially when I have to go through the hard and frustration to get there, but wow when I do...It is so worth it. I got to have moments of jumping on the bed, talking about real life, jamming out together, and bonding that I so would have missed out on if I wasn't willing to get in the car and drive.

Do I say that playing cards with Micah out on the porch was such a gift and I know I can take this so much more than I do? And watching singing in the rain and going to the farmers market and all the stuff that I think I don't have time for but instead I am doing fake importance rather than this. I want more important than fake important that is for sure.

Do I say that I never never dreamed I would go to both Florida and Wisconsin this summer and BOTH happened because I let go and trusted beyond what I could see? And it was better than I ever imagined. I swam with sharks, I ate lobster, I had a dance party, I went to Black Lake every day, I went to Buck lake, I went to lunch at Kids Korner and ate it at the Rhinelander Court House, I watched fireworks over Hagerman Lake, I went tubing, I went to Fobs, I slept on the beach at the farthest Southern point in the US, and I soaked it all in. Because wow when you think you have something taken away that you take for granted you see it through a whole different lens. So wow.

Do I say that getting kayaks totally transformed how much water time I got and it was incredible? With God, with my family, and with my friends. And now I get to go again in a few hours. So blessed...again because I let go and trusted.

Do I say that time at home alone does not have to be filled but rather just the opposite? Allowing space in my life is always incredible.

Do I say that going to Kansas and watching Aidan play his last basketball games was so much fun and I was so stinking proud to see him play his guts out till the end? And watch him handle loss and growth so stinking incredibly. To see him end the way he did was a testimony to his strength and heart.

Do I say that watching Micah have success at state was so fun but also the reminder of why sharing success with others is all the sweeter? I know it was hard to him to be at the meet without his friends...and realize it's not just about the competition, but sports is about helping each other be better.

Do I say that God knew I needed to read the leadership books I did and make a Rule of Life, even though I feel like I am stinking blowing it all the time? That's not what it is about but rather about falling into God's grace every day even more.

Do I say that somehow I had one on one time with Jeremy, Micah, Aidan, God, myself, Amber, Rachel, Jenn, Shelley, and even Michelle in ways that I never expected? Again because I trusted and let go. I think God is up to something here...

Do I say that God's goodness is becoming more and more real to me and not just a theology that other people believe?

Do I say that my birthday this year was so sweet and good even though it didn't go according to 'plan' because we were delayed at the airport, but lunch at Qdoba and dinner at Uno Taco and sparkling water at the pond was better that I could have every imagined. Not because of what I am doing but because of who is at my side.

Do I say that I am ok not posting on social media so much because instead I am connecting deeper with fewer people? I am using Marco Pollo and feel more connected to Amber, Denise, and Rachel than ever. I am realizing life can be lived in a much more present way and I am willing to do it even if others don't understand or don't follow.

Do I say that this summer felt so long and I can't believe all that I was privileged to do? Do I say that contentment is more and more about choosing in the moment I am in rather than wishing for something else?

Do I say that I didn't get to sleep in on summer mornings and it was so much better that way. Oh I still would take time to drink coffee on the porch, but Jeremy and I are spurring each other on in ways that I feel so thankful for. Morning runs, morning hikes, morning devotions, morning shoveling. We are being so much more intentional and it sets the tone for the day. Love it.

Do I say that I didn't finish my to-do list at all and that is so ok? Because I invested in what I knew I needed to and I am learning to rest and trust.

Do I say that tutoring and school wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and I can see the blessing in it already?

Do I say that I love Apple Music and I am a nerd that totally listens to old 90s Christian music and I don't care that it has way too much saxophone it in. I love the memories it brings back for me.

Or do I just say that I know God is teaching me more and more to...

Let Go.

Trust.

And when I don't fight it and lean in I find so much rest and beauty. I find God blows me away in how He cares for me and my family and all of my fears.

And so I keep growing. And sometimes I fight, but as I keep listening to the lyrics of Hillsong Youth I know I love and want to fall into Him.

Just like this...

I've lived my life to the limit
Well I'm at the end of myself
I see the end that I know below me
Your love is waiting to catch

I'm falling into you
Cause no one's gonna
Love me like you do (alright)
I've got nothing to lose
So I can't stop, won't stop
Falling into you (alright)

The rush I've felt in the free-fall
As I lost control of my life
Jesus, I've found that
You've always had me
Your love is never in doubt

I wanna love you like you love me
I wanna love you like you love me

I'm falling into you
Cause no one's gonna
Love me like you do (alright)
I've got nothing to lose
So I can't stop, won't stop
Falling into you (alright)

I wanna love you like you love me
I wanna love you like you love me

I'm falling into you
Cause no one's gonna
Love me like you do (alright)
I've got nothing to lose
So I can't stop, won't stop
Falling into you (alright)

I'm falling into you
Cause no one's gonna
Love me like you do (alright)
I've got nothing to lose
So I can't stop, won't stop
Falling into you (alright)

I'm falling into you

And with that I will wrap up another summer and trust God has renewed me, will sustain me, and has great promises for the next year and beyond. Because that is just who God is.