#10 "E" Do I say more?

On August 9th of 2016 I posted that there was 23 hours and 50 minutes till I go back to work. And now it's another summer of lessons learned and there is always more to say...

It's August  10th at 12:10 am in the morning and I can't sleep. I have 55 hours and 48 minutes until I have to go back and every time I face this moment I realize the gift that time is. Whether it is is 10 minutes or 24 hours. Or 6 days or 3 years. It's all a gift.

Do I say that summer reminds me of how to listen in life? To others...to myself and to God. It reminds me that listening isn't on accident. You can hear and not listen. You can listen and still not respond. This summer was about listening more than ever. Sometimes into all hours of the night with people that I rarely get that gift with.

Do I say that when I put my kids to bed tonight my heart was sad because I knew they were in summer mode and I was just frustrated that they were up late and their rooms were messy and I didn't get to end well with them? Or do I say that I went in after they were sleeping because I knew I wanted them to wake up to something different and the reminder that every day is a new day and so I left notes for them that reminded them...but more importantly reminded me what was important.

Do I say that singing to my boys in the camper in Nebraska when they were going to sleep was one of the best mom moments I have had in life?

Do I say that my dance birthday party was just what I needed and I wish I could dance like that all the time?

Do I say that buying a sailboat and planning for the Keys is just what we need to keep our dreams alive and to have something all year long that feels like summer?

Do I say that watching my boys play with their cousins this summer shows me what incredible kids they are? Day after day I see it more and more and feel blessed.

Do I say that there are moments  with Jeremy like camping in Iowa, and going to Melting Pot, and being outside at the farm at night that are just magical and there is no way you can plan them? You just know when you are in the middle of one of them and you take it for the gift it is?

Do I say that losing my memos in my phone was a reminder of how temporary life is and sometimes you accept that you can't fix something and you find out it is ok anyway?

Do I say that coming back in August and trying to live summer life when you decide to crunch the budget just reminds you how spoiled you are in life and how much you still need to grow up even when you are 39?

Do I say that moments like swimming across the lake with Beau and he stops to tell me how much he appreciated what Jeremy and I did for him remind me that you never know what impact you have in someone's life?

Do I say that staying up late and talking to Sara and letting her trust me with her heart was healing that I never expected?

Do I say that going to lab and writing Carely a message with sticks was one silly happy memory that I hope I have more of in life?

Do I say that summer isn't summer without Fort and I don't care how old our kids are we are going to make family camp happen as long as we can in life?

Do I say that reminding Nate that day at lunch that he was focusing on what he didn't have instead of what he did have was the reminder that I probably need more than I know?

Do I say that painting Aidan's Lego this morning and the joy that it gave him reminded me of the the joy that comes from investing in the little things that are so so important in life?

Do I say that sitting at Bobby's funeral with the boys and having them put their heads on my shoulder reminded me of that my time with them isn't forever and I only have them by my side for shorter than I know?

Do I say that I love sleeping in my camper and could care less about my giant house will pretty much always be how I roll and I can't wait until that is my life all the time?

Do I say that sitting out in the sailboat and having root beer floats with Crick and Mindy and talking about life was the reminder to be present no matter where you are?

Do I say that going on Thunder Mountain with Faith was such a sweet, sweet, memory for so many reasons that nobody will understand except me?

Do I say that I can never swim enough? That swimming across Spider Lake will always be one of my favorite things and I hope I can do it until I'm 80?

Do I say that when the end of summer comes I'm always in this place of wishing I could have more days but also knowing that my job is good and I can thrive if I choose? Especially if I can remember how to invest in what matters when the school year comes?

Do I say that this summer I didn't worry at all about who to hang out with when we were home because the answer was just Jenn, Audrey, Daniel, Mindy, Faith, and Asher?

Do I say that you go boogie boarding even when it's freezing because I love it just that much?

Do I say that going to California and being with family was the perfect start to the summer of family?

Do I say that if we would have gone on our 20th anniversary trip that we had planned on we would have missed out on night with Micah that was crazy special and we wouldn't have a boat in our garage right now?

Do I say that if we sell our camper I will cry but I know it is the right thing to do anyway?

Do I say that going to Grandma Betty's is the reminder to be present with who you are with and I hope I give that gift to my grandchildren someday?

Do I say that going to the water-ski show in Rhinelander was silly but the perfect thing to do when in Rhinelander?

Do I say that going to Noah's Ark with the boys and having them do everything with us showed me how incredibly grown up they are and made me enjoy it all the more because it is the reminder that they aren't going to be little and with us forever?

Do I say that the night that we went to Walmart and got food and cooked in the camper instead of going out was an example of how much my husband loves me?

Do I say that I love that summer shows me how to life deep and I wish I knew how to do that more all year long?

Do I say that I want to wake up tomorrow and be present with my boys because that is the best thing I can do for them and for me?

Do I say that I remember reading Kisses from Katie and feeling like I totally got why we didn't get to go be on staff at Fort this summer because it was our "fundraising time"? And I totally accepted in not just in words but in my heart. 

Do I say that I love being outside and I need to find a way to bring that into my school life more in some way?

Do I say that I am always scared to go back to work? Not because I don't think I will remember how to teach or be overwhelmed but because I am afraid I will forget all that I learn in the summer and forget how to invest in what matters?

Do I say that I wish I could just be on the road all the time and I wonder why that is such a part of me rather than being at home?

Do I say that I wish I didn't love wine and chips and hummus so much (stole that one from last year ::)?

Do I say that I know that taking Aidan to the gym to play basketball isn't about playing basketball as much as it is about teaching him about life and how to have grit? Both physically and mentally. And I feel privileged to get to do that with him.

Do I say that I love to do the rock-wall at the gym and I feel like every time I am up there I am thinking about how it relates to life? And even though I don't let myself fail very often I am getting better at both letting go and holding on all the same time and that totally makes sense to me.

Do I say that waking up in the morning and having all these people in your house is both easy and hard at the same time? And I am growing every day in how to not just be in neutral but in a plus one mindset.

Do I say that inviting people to live with you isn't just about sharing space but it is about cleaning up after yourself when you normally wouldn't?  Because that is part of the deal that even though it isn't spoken it is showing that you care and that your space is shared and not just yours? And realizing it isn't about rights but it is about giving, because you get to this point when you choose to do not what is fair but what is part of the whole.

Do I say that I know more every day that life is a privledge and time is a gift?

Or do I just say thank you to the One who has entrusted me with this incredibly awesome life that I get to do each day whether it is filled with plans or is open...whether it is May 20th or August 10th...whether I wake up and put on my swimsuit or wake up and get dressed for work.

It. Is. All. A. Gift.

Is there more to say than that? I hope I can say that day after day, year after year.

Present and gift. Synonyms. Pretty sure there is a reason for that. Do I say I hope that I can be present for the next 9 months?  Time is a gift entrusted to me.

Happy Summer 2016.
Entrust. Yep that.