Dang I'm a sucker. I cried today. Actually cried on my way home from the library with the boys. I put my hand on Aidan's shoulder and said "buddy I love you, I'm going to miss you" and I know he didn't think much of it...but it was enough for me just to cry...both sadness and joy at the same time. And that is honestly how I want to live.
Knowing that I have been ALL IN.
And because of that it's going to be harder to be gone again. Every summer I feel like my boys are more and more my buddies and not just these people I have to take care of. They play basketball with me. They watch movies with me. We swim. We tread water (literally). We swim some more. We travel. We go for walks. We go to Sonic. We paint Legos. We get frustrated with each other. We just do life together and it is so so what I want it to be. And I'm so glad it makes me cry when I have to go back to time without them. Because if I didn't it would mean that I didn't give it my all. And that means a lot more is at stake. Nobody cares if their heart isn't it in. Mine is.
And do my challenge to myself is what should I give more of to so I can cry more when it's gone? That's a gut challenge right there. No more messing around. Let's be ALL IN.
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